customers we don't like

Ok guys and girls lets hear all the stories about those clients that we just HATE to see walkin in the door.Who is your favorite A$*&hole...from the smelly unwashed client who wants a foot tattoo to the drunk that staggers in and promptly pukes in the flower pot WHATS YOUR STORY????? Taz

You dont have enough room on this server for me to ramble about this .Just to name a few The person that has to tell you that they could have gotten the tat or piercing were they live for 10$ then shows me a jerked up sorry ass tattoo.(AND HAS NOT EVEN SEEN THE WORK AT MY SHOP AT THIS POINT AND DOES NOT CARE).The one that comes threw the door and gets an attitude and becomes borderline agressive because they have to wait for an apt..Thats pretty fun.I promissed i would keep it simple the 500 pound black women that wants here clit pierced is another one that makes me wish i was in a different line of work.But the one guy or girl that has that look of total happyness when they get there tattoo really makes it all worth it.I guess thats the balance of nature.Sorry about the spelling.

Thanks Murph! Now heres one of my personal favorite shop experiences...not for those with a weak tummy!.... "The String Incident" A new Escalade pulls up in front of the shop...in walks an apparently well to do couple in their mid-late twenties. They were well spoken and polite and were inquiring about genital piercings for the both of them. After deciding on a frenum for him and a clitoral hood for her we got down to business. His frenum went off without a hitch then it was her turn......The proceedure went as it normally does...no problems at all that is until I had needle in hand and she fidgeted somewhat, which is perfectly normal and acceptable....what was not acceptable was that as she squirmed "THE STRING FELL OUT INTO VIEW!!!!!" Yes folk she was entertaining her monthly guest.I'm sorry I know that the menstrual cycle is a perfectly natural human process but to know its that time of month and getting your HOO HA (technical piercing term!) pierced with no warning to the piercer!!!!!....UUURRRRFFFFF!!!!!..Taz

I am fairly new to tattooing but I have one good story. A lady came to me with a cover up. A small scratcher dragon fly on her stomach. No big deal I can either redo whats there or fully cover it up. First question as usual "how much?". I tell her some price ranges for redos and for some full cover up ideas. Then comes the annoying part she doesn't know what she wants and says just come up with something. No big deal come back in a couple days I'll have a few ideas for you. I drew up 3-4 what I consider good cover ups for the piece but nothing she likes. So again I ask what ideas does she have "well, I dunno your the tattoo guy". Why do people think we know what they want. If you want something covered up either have an idea or get what your given. Nobody has the time to draw up random sketches in the hopes that maybe they'll hit the perfect design on the head from thin air.

I hate people that need an entire support team with them for their tattoo. I hate "tough guy" college football players that think getting a tribal armband makes them unique and even more tough. I hate when people are drunk and want ink, I hate when I have to do any tattoo that I've already done 5 times that week, People that can't even spell their own childs name, drama queens, people that I've tattooed from the past that I know for a fact don't take care of their tattoos, kitchen magicians taking notes and asking what I think of Superior Guns, gangsta hagglers, smelly people, sick people, sunburnt people that don't tell you that they have a sunburn until you already have them in the chair, scantily clad 450lb women that want a Playboy bunny on their hip because they just lost 50lbs in a month (even though they STILL WEIGH 450 LBS!!!), people that are "serious about mods" and want a tiny black star on their foot.....Man, I think I just hate too many things.

Heres one for ya...a few months ago we caught a guy takin pictures of the flash on the shop walls with a camera phone!!!! When I asked him what the fuck he was doin he got all defensive and said" Hey its a free country I can take pictures of anything I want and you can't do anything about it!!!!" Needless to say I showed him that BY GOD I COULD do something about it and he went away with a broken phone and a new outlook on life and a little more respect for tattoo artists.. Come to find out the next day he was one of those do it yourself scratchers fresh outta the local prison doin tattoos in a broom closet at the Salvation Army where he was living...Oh Yeah...the phone was one he had stolen from the Salvtion Army...JEEESH!!..T

I hope the broken phone still had his hand attached to it and there was a ball-peen hammer involved.

I've only been tattooing out here for a short time now but i've never seen these people before: I've had to tattoo a few small to medium sized pieces of flash and set up a bunch of appointments for them sometimes 2 weeks in advance. These people will come back to get tattooed, i'll let them know i'm in the back setting up for them and i'll call them when i'm ready. But when they're all set and i call 'em through, they're bringing a book of flash with them talking about "I've been thinking about it and i want to go with this one instead" COULD YOU HAVE BEEN ANY MORE SPONTANEOUS!?!? Its not a big deal SOMETIMES but you have no idea how frustrating it can be to us every now and then, people!!! -Mario

One more from the Painted Angel Sanatarium amd Home for Wayward Girls....An attorney convention was being held in our little town....about 2 o'clock in the am as I am just closin up shop there is a bangin on the door...there stands my attorney with a gang of his lawyer buddies from out of town all of whom had been drinkin for many hours....seein as how I knew the guy ( we had been friends for years) I let em in. My friend the esteemed attorney and ex mayor insisted that I tattoo "FUCK YOU" ON HIS FOREHEAD!!!!! Of course I respectfullly declined whereupon he became really upset threatening to sue me for all kinds of stuff. I stayed calm basically cause I knew that he wasn't accustomed to the hard drink,and, when not all fuggered up,was a really nice guy so finally after a half hour or so of aggressive threats his pals talked him into goin home. the next afternoon he came back into the shop lookin like 7 flavors of stomped dogshit. He apologized over and over for his behavior the night before ( which is something ya just don't see...a lawyer admitting he fugged up!) and thanked me profusely for refusing to tattoo his forehead.He gave me $100 in appreciation for my discretion shook my hand and staggered out. Of course if I HAD tattooed him I'm sure he would have sued my wrinkled ass for everything I owned.....Taz

damned midget puked on me

"Beware of the dark side. Anger. . . fear . . . aggression. The dark side of the Force are they. Easily they flow, quick to join you in a fight. The dark side is easier, more seductive. Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will." - yoda

Now don't get me wrong I love kids ( if ya cook em slow they taste like chicken) Seriously....tho...how bout the clients who bring in their whole family and the kids are MONSTERS!, tearin shit off the wall, runnin and screamin ...Or the mom or dad that comes in for an appointment and brings their 3 year old with NO ONE TO WATCH THEM while they are gettin worked on!!! I know all you guys have had this happen......TAz

...The number one on my list would have to be those ignorant racist jackasses.

Yup Yup and YUP!!!!...TAz

Speakin of racist jackasses...that reminds me of a scratcher here in my town who would (for free) put on a tattoo of a black man eatin a watermelon on any white person!!! Talk about racist jackasses. this asswipe tattooed(and I use the term VERY loosely!) here for a while and dumbass people actually let him put that disgusting tattoo on their bodies...Hell we are STILL covering the damn things up!!! That is the type of reprehensible crapola that gives us ALL a bad name...TAz

Maybe Mr. Cartoon can do a guest spot where he works, that would be interesting!

Now thats something i wouldnt mind watching in a reality show!!

Ditto with so many of these things. Mine is more general, but still applicable to customers. I can't stand people who stop me on the street, physically accost me to get a better view of my work (yes that arm you are twisting is actually attached to my body), tell me how awesome it is, then proceed to show me something that resembles cat puke that their buddy did on them. Then they ask me how much I paid for my work, and when I tell them, they tell me how ripped off I was, and that said "buddy" would have done it for 50 bucks. At times, it is very difficult to hold back "yeah, but you're the one stopping a complete stranger on the street b/c their work is amazing, how often does that happen to you? You get what you pay for, ya jerk."

Heres one for you,a young lady comes in to get a tattoo and requests me.She starts off by saying someone I do not know sent her and she loved the work I did on him and I proceed to tell her I do not know this person and I did not tattoo him and she looks at me like I have two heads and keeps insisting that I did tattoo him and I do know him yada yada yada..Anyway she picks out a small crescent moon outline to put on her hip.I get her back in my room all stenciled up and ready to go and out come the stupid questions first how long will it take?Thirty seconds is my response.Next comes will it hurt?Yes was my response and she flips out, lips start quivering, tears start flowing and my patience went out the window.I finally get her calm and she lays back down and I go at her with the needle and she jumps up I can't do this stop.Of course you can I reassure her and she lays down again,this time I got her I am standing up holding her still trying to get in one prick so she will know it will be ok but she keeps squirming and wiggling and after wrestling her for 5 or 10 minutes I give up and tell her I am done and she isn't getting tattooed."What" she says "but I really want it."I can tell,no way I tell her to get up and I will refund all but 25.00 to cover my wasted supplies and time and she turns and leaves.I get up to follow her out to make sure she gets the refund and when I get to the front counter it is so quiet you could hear a pin drop and noone will look at me or say anything to me cause I am the devil.I pull the counter girl aside and ask what the hell is going on and she tells me that the girl came running out of my room balling her eyes out and her boyfreind was pissed.He chased her outside to make sure she was ok and when he came back in proceeded to tell us how mean and nasty I was to her and how upset she was and she wanted an apology and a full refund well noway I tell em not gonna happen and the boyfreind gets lippy and he goes out without a refund or an apology.About half an hour later he returns with an apology in hand and explains that his girlfreind wants to try again and I tell him noway unless she apologizes to me,needless to say that didn't happen and she never returned so much for bedside manners.Another one bites the dust..

I'd like to thank everyone who contributed to this post Here is one of my favorite shop stories. In the early eighties I was workin as a guest artist in a friends shop in kansas city mo...I was outside takin a smoke break and a young straggly lookin kid is out there sittin on the smokers bench lookin dejected as all get out.Bein the idot I sometimes am I asked him " whats wrong bud...didja just lose yer best friend?" He looks me in the eye and says " Yes I did...my mom just passed away from cancer last week and I went into that shop acroos the street to get a tattoo to remember her by and they just kicked me out and told me to come back in about 10 years" After I removed my foot from my mouth I told him to come inside and I'd figure somethin out for him. Well the kid was only 14 so obviously I couldn't tattoo him so I just sat there with him and asked him some discrete questions about his mom. After a few minutes he started opening up and told me what a wonderful lady his mom was and he wanted somethin to remember her forever. He had an old black and white photo with him and I said" look kid I can't tattoo ya but if ya leave that photo with me and come back in a day ar two that I would have somethin for him . He reluctantly left the pic with me. I spent the next day or two drawin him the best portrait I could possibly do and had it framed for him. When he came back in and I gave it to him he just sat down there and balled his eyes out for a while said thank you about a gazillion times and then left.There was some dust in my eyes or somethin cause my orbs were leakin too. Well after a few years I had pretty much forgotten all about that kid then one day a big hairy biker lookin dude came in to my studio bellowin" Where is TAZ!!!!!" I was about to slip out the back door (did I say he was BIG?) when he spotted me. He came runnin up to me and grabbed me in a big bear hug and even smooched me right on my bald head! I thought "whatdafuck?" He said " remember this?' holdin out a well worn frame and in it the portrait I had done for that kid so many years ago. He said he had been lookin for me ever since he came of age to tattoo that portrait on him. Needless to say he got his mom permanently engraved on his arm that day. Maybe I'm just gettin all bubbery but that was definately one of my favorite experiences I have ever had in the tattoo business. See folks...it ain't ALL bad in this biz!!!!!! TAz

cant believe no one mentioned customers that want blacklight tattoos! they want to be cool without have a real tattoo. just one the can show people at the club. blacklight ink = cheezy

agreed...AGREED>>>AAGGRREEDD!!!!!!!!!!!T

With the blacklight tattoos, it's still a real tattoo...but, if you work somewhere that it's not acceptable, it can be a way to express yourself when it's appropriate? -Just a thought

I have done several blacklight tattoos ,on coworkers mostly ,all of which are heavily tattooed . I think of it more as a novelty type tattoo ,and not so much as cheesy.

Almost forgot, the people that come in and either bring us drawings that their friends did or dont think that we're capable of designing something off the tops of our heads. Once again, i'm not trying to be some big ol' tattoo authority, but why are there so many people out there who think that we're only capable of tattooing and not drawing something from our imaginations? If your friends want to draw something up, thats cool. But i've noticed that many people who dont do this dont know what designs best translate onto skin, and tattooists often have to make a lot of changes to your art before we can come up with something that'll look good as a tattoo. Keep an open mind

in the case of people bringing things that thier freinds have drawn. I feel like people get nervous about some one they don't know drawing something to be placed permenantly on thier body, I also think people feel more comfortable asking some one they're familiar with to redraw things. Of course in these cases people have done little or no research and would benefit greatly from reading Off The Maps perfect tattoo guide.

besides smelly, broke, drunk, trying to trade something for tattoo work, and hone flash stealin thives, i'd say i hate those that come in with a drawing and get a price, then they leave and come back and say the shop up the street will do it for this price and try to get you to come down on your price. damn i hate those people.

I recently drew up some ideas for friends, but that's all they were, ideas. I know i'm not a tattoo artist, and, while i've been learning about it (not to become one, but to become inked myself), mixed with the fact that i am artistic, i have a pretty good idea of what can and can't be done. However, if people want to ask for a design from a friend before they have to pay an artist for one that doesn't work out, what's wrong with that? I don't expect them to get exactly what i drew, it's just an idea. But, at least this way, i was able to work with them without them having to pay me anything to get what they generally want accross on paper. Don't think of it as an insult, especially when it is just an idea, think of it as their way of communicating their design to you if they don't know how to express it themselves.

Ducky I don't think any professional tattoo artist would be offended at all if a customer brings in a drawing...or at least they shouldn't...what ya have to understand is that a lot of the "artwork" that people bring to us is either of poor quality or is not suited to be used as a tattoo ans has to be modified.But any competent artist can take that artwork and using it as a foundation design a useable piece...so there ya go! see ya ,,TAz

Right-O! Thats what i was gettin at Taz. We're not all high and mighty sayin that you cant bring ideas to us. I think its cool when people bring cool stuff that we can use right off the bat, even better when the person who drew the picture comes in so if there are any issues we can make suggestions right there and then. And yeah the people who go up the street to get a price and come back to tell you about it deserve to be dragged out back and beaten too...

Yeah at my shops we have a no haggle rule ...Ya get a price and thats it. If they start that "well I can get it at the new shop up the street"...The price goes up.....This ain't a fuggin yard sale fool!!!!! The sign on the wall says it all..." We know others will do it cheaper...they know what their work is worth!!!...NUFF SAID!!!..T

One thing...If I quote a tattoo at say $200 and the customer digs in his wallet and only has $187.50...hell I'll do it for $180....can't take a mans last buck....but this is if he/she didn't try to jew me down (my apologies in advance to any people of the Jewish race...Oh come on its just a saying dammit!!)....TAz

I won't elaborate, but what about people who want "OZZY" tattooed accross their knuckles?

I won't elaborate, but what about people who want "OZZY" tattooed accross their knuckles?

I won't elaborate, but what about people who want "OZZY" tattooed accross their knuckles?

I won't elaborate, but what about people who want "OZZY" tattooed accross their knuckles?

I draw all my own tats. If the artist wants to change my pic I would go somewhere else and find a professional artist. The customer is always right especially if he is wrong,

No silly the customer isnt always right in this situation. Tattooist do tattoos everyday and are PROFESSIONAL. Customers don't know jack shit about tattoos except for the one they think they want.. (By the way Taz that story about the kid growing up and coming in would have been a great experience. I got a little tear too. Was very nice of you.) In my opinion if you want a tattoo then fucking prepare for the pain. I got one on my wrist by my tattooist and fuck did it hurt seeing as it was my first. If your scared of pain don't bother. It dosnt even hurt that bad. Just think of something else. In my case I think of pain as good so it didnt bother me. But those stories are pretty fucking stupid.

Great stories, Taz. Thanks for those. OK, what about mother's breast feeding while you are tattooing them? Ugh. I mention that since no one else has yet (unless I missed it). Like all of you, I have my share of stories, but one that sticks put in my mind happened about 2 years ago. Two black gay guys come in one night and one wants a tatt on his lower back. I don't remember what it was, some tribal flash maybe. Well, as soon as I stick him with the needle, he pops up in the chair and makes a comical face; "OOOOOOOHHHHHHH, that hurts worse then getting fucked!" - Paul

wow, how not so typically georgia for you to point out that the BLACK guy likes to get fucked.

Yeah, most all of my cutomers were black, just comes with the territory. Some were gay guys, too. Like the one who wanted "Hot Chocolate" written on his ass (I didn't do that - he may be gay, I am not, and tattooing guys' butts are not my thing). He did get matching tatts on his shoulders "Mr. Devious" on one side and "Ms. Ho" on the other. I guess like a Doctor Jekyll/Mr. Hyde kinda deal? I don't know, didn't ask.

Paul...thanks brah! Mahalo! In the case of a breastfeeding mother...breastfeeding is a very natural and beautiful act however I would feel a bit awkward watching a lady that I did not know WELL breastfeeding...and during a tattoo?...no way...I think most mothers would prefer to do this in a private area...if they need to take a break to feed the baby I would have no problem with that...just don't expect to flop it out and plug it in babys mouth during the session ya know?

Taz, Yeah, one crazed chick just had to feed the little 'un right in the midst of a tattoo on her chest. I'd already had enough of her and her scuzzy boyfriend so I just hurried it up and got them out the door as fast as possible. I think they were crackheads. Otherwise, a break would have been best. Honestly, that was before I realized that some people just don't merit getting tattooed by me or any reputable artist to begin with. The string incident was infinately worse than that, however.

A midget puked on me! Little man,big puke,which in turn made me run out back and puke myself.Dammit that sucked!