My Dear God!!! 7 Hours Left!

Alright, Consider this the Friday night sign in. I am stuck at work until 6am and sure the hell ain't going anywhere! Taz and Taj are Fuckwistled without me and they aren't going anywhere. Who else is stuck? I need someone to play with!

Quit fucking cryin'!!!!! Can you set me up with that yard gnome for TAzFEST?

Those are the dudes with the anal-dynamic heads, right?

You would have to talk to Taz about that one.... The yard Gnome as we affectionately call his is Taz's youngest son Tristan.... The yard Gnome nickname came about after the halucinogens kicked in....The peckerwood threw me up in some crazy ass wrestling hold and mangled my junk in the process.... He's completely psychotic otherwise. Don't think it would work out. His girlfriend is tougher than he is....

Why are you going to be stuck at work till 6 in the morning?

Because I am the low end of the schmuck pole and had to pull a double shift. Normally I work 2pm-10pm. But tonight is the exception. :/

Because he thinks he's still a Marine.

..............when really, he is a sub-Marine.

Hiya Evil Val Cutie Pie!

That's jarhead to you, SIR!

A Sailor and a Marine are in the restroom taking a piss............... Little kid comes up to the Marine and says "Gee Mister, are you a Marine", to which he replies; "That's right kid, you wanna wear my hat?". The kid is like "Wow, really!?!". Then he approaches the sailor, and asks "Say Mister, are you a sailor?" Navy Officer replies "That's right kid! Wanna suck my &%#$?" The kid says "I'm not a Marine, I'm just wearing the hat!!".

No mayo please....

The way I lost so much weight is that I got Aides!

*Tomato*

Damn Tim, that's just wrong....

What, you didn't like my Marine joke?

Considering I was in the Marines....Ah hell, ain't like I heard it before....A sailor in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, 'Wanna hear a MARINE joke?' The guy next to him replies, 'Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs, and I'm a MARINE. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2' tall, weighs 225, and he's a MARINE. The fella next to him is 6'5' tall, weighs 250, and he's also a MARINE. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?' The sailor says, 'Nah, I don't want to have to explain it three times.'

That's Jake Gyllenhall to you, no, that's Donnie Darko to you, SIR!

That's Jake Gyllenhall to you, no, that's Donnie Darko to you, SIR!

Check out my reply to you guys on the 'What Would Wooden Jesus Do?' thread............

You sick sick sick monkey spanker!

That's my name, don't wear it out!

I know you are but what am I?

Why does a marine wear his name on the ass pocket of his uniform? So the navy guy knows who he's fuckin. Ok, sorry. Had to do it. Although, being a 'chairborne ranger', I guess I really can't say shit, huh? HI guys!! Are you having a fabulous night? *smooches*

Infinity!!!!!!!!!

OOOooooooooooooooo, damn you Evil Val!!!!!!! You interrupted our Pee Wee recitals!

Fabulous is not the word of choice.....INFINITY times INFINITY times INFINITY!!!!

But since you're so cute.................you, and mamacat, and of course, SAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIYYYYYYYYYYYYYGGGGGGGGGGGEEEEEE!

sorry... I'll go away now....

No, it's too late...............you have to stay now.

I was just playin. I was gonna stay anyways. nya nya nya nya nya nya

Where'd J-werk go?

I dunno.

I think he cheesed out..............

theval, Where/what are your tats? TCE

I think he did too. phuh.. pansy.. I have a tattoo of a chubby little penguin on my right ankle, a little red devil that says 'innocent little devil' with a halo over the I on my left shoulder, a strange sun/spiral/swirly thing on my left hip area and a firery flowery thing with a leo symbol on my upper right arm. I need more.

I beg your pardon! I did not go anywhere except to make rounds perker heads!

OOOOoooooooooooooooooo, a penguin on the ankle!!!!!!!! I love ankle tattoos on girls, I have a horrible debilitating foot fetish....................... I really wish I didn't.

Rounds..................rounds......................what are you, a munitions manufacturer?

Oh, so you're a "soul" man, Tim?....*why did it get so quiet?*

theval, Uh, I think that given the late hour, and under the circumstances, an emailed photo of that penguin is in order.....................at least one on the Family Tree. TCE

Unfortunately not. Workin at the State Nut House.... Had to check on the Veggies to see if they are still sound asleep.....

J-Werk.... *shakes head* what the hell are we going to do with you?

Oh, excellent job dude!!!!! One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest!!!!!!!! Yeah, I'm a soul man alright..................but only when the chicks feet are perfect...................and clean. Summertime is a real horror show, like a million carrots dangling in front of my face.........................AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! TCE

Hmm.. Maybe... I'll think about it, TCE

You could get me the hell out of here!!! That would be a start!.... Just read an advertisement on a Dr. Pepper bottle.... It read, "registar to win a hummer...." ...

theval, Throw me a frickin bone here, will ya? Maybe me and the penguin email should get a frickin room................... TCE

Okay,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Everyone stop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We're completely out of synch here......................back up and read previous posts.................and then proceed slowly forward. TCE

J-werk, Ever take away their cigarettes? Hee hee hee........ TCE

First girl to email me photos of their feet wins!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!......................something...............

Oh God no!!!! That is the worst thing that could happen! Then they really do lose their minds!

Tim, I actually roomed with a guy who had a foot fetish...A BAD one.... The computer we shared in the residence hall was flooded with every foot site, shoe ad, etc, you could imagine!!!!.... The dude save shoe laces!

ahh... not such a funny topic in theval's eyes. TCE, how the hell did you develop such an obsession with the feet?

Sounds like good times to me......................ever see High Anxiety?

I'm totally not at all like that..............................but I do become transfixed when a girls gorgeous feet are in my vicinity...................it's fucking awful!! I should seek therapy, because I absolutely couldn't get any more turned on, even if she was topless. Like I said, debilitating!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TCE

Haven't seen that one yet.....

theval, I didn't DEVELOP it, it developed itself!!!!! How the hell should I know? I can think of better ways to spend my time thinking! I didn't set out to develop a foot fetish.........................it fucking sucks!! Normal guys think that it would be the greatest thing in the world if girls ran around topless all the time, but for me, this is the equivalent of that, and it isn't great. It's a total distraction (no pun). TCE

So, what you're REALLY saying.. Is that you get more turned on by a chicks feet than if she were to show you her boobies?!?

Hang on...need to bump the family thread up.....

That would be debilitating... I can't think of the last time I looked at an attractive woman from the feet up.....

theval, Way more turned on by their feet,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,but again, only if they're awesome! TCE

Define "awesome feet" Tim....

Wait...Allow me to dygress back to the Dr Pepper ad... It reads, "Unlock the flavor...Win a Hummer..." Wonder how many people got sucked into that one....Ha! ..... Sucked!

Not necessarily painted or anything like that.......................just perfect shape, condition, etc!! Dirty, calloused, cracked feet with hammer time are absolutely disgusting!!!!!!! Guys feet are disgusting!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's why I tattooed mine, so that I could stand to look at them.

that's interesting... But as long as it's a harmless fetish, and you don't go around molesting feet, then I guess you're ok. :o)

I only molest feet when I'm permitted to do so, then it's game time!!!

Just out of curiousity ( and totally off subject) Where the hell is everyone else?

I guess it's a good thing TAzFEST is in October.................everyone will be wearing their goth boots. Incidentally, footwear doesn't factor heavily into this fetish.......................the less the better! TCE

Speaking of tattooed feet...How are your's coming along after blasting them with the pool jet Tim?

Taz and Taj are probably lost in the studio as we speak...I should call them to check. As for everyone else I don't have the slightest damn clue.... Who does stuff on Friday night anyway?....Geeez!

J-werk, The chlorine helped close up the gnarley wounds....................now I just have to wait for all the scarring to heal, which should only take from now until I don't care anymore, before I can fix it. theval, They're all off getting a life! TCE

my poor feet have been unwillingly acosted before. I still wish that I would have kicked that guy in the head..

So I take it you didn't like it?

So I take it you didn't like it?

Well, at least we have we three! Couldn't ask for better late night buddies! *hugs*

It was an unwanted foot molesting from a totally creepy dude... *shudders* As long as I know it's coming, I don't mind if someone wants to play with my foot. They just have to assume the responsibility of possibly taking a knee or foot to a part of their body if they accidentally tickle me. I'm a reflex kicker. :o)

If you didn't like it, he was probably an amateur!!!!!! Or you just didn't like him.

I guess we could try to match the 14 year old wanting a tattoo thread.... think we can do it?.... Just talked to Taz. He and Taj are still fuckwistled in the studio.... bastards.

Again,,,,,,,,,total amateur!!!!!!! A pro (like myself) wouldn't have tickled you. Hey, you guys can't tell anyone about any of this!!! Okay!?!

Oh God reflexes are bad sometimes.... I puyt a toe right into an eye before... I felt horrible! I laughed...but felt horrible

damn them.. Hell yes! We can so do it! We are the shizzle dizzle ma fizzle!

Tim, I think that it's to late for that .... unless gabe deletes this thread.... which I highly doubt will happen

J-werk, you 40 (?) Year Old Virgin, you! theval, Just so you know, I'm giving you advanced warning..............it's coming!!!!! TCE

My poor husband takes the brunt of all my reflex actions. I'm actually suprised he's still alive. But we estimate that he may not make it to thirty. I'm kinda dangerous. And the sad part is... it's all purely accidental.... I don't want to talk about feet anymore. Can't we talk about, like, enemas or something?

fo rizzle!

No Tim, 26, and anti virgin..... did you guys look at the fucking spam thread that just popped up on the site right below ours.... Those SICK FUCKERS!!!! They have no fucking morals! Seriously, rape fantasies! what the fuck!

Did you see any foot rape fantasies on there? Might be worth looking into here in a sec....................... theval, whaddya know about enema's? TAz is gonna be pissed he wasn't around for this..................enema's are his thing! TCE

NO Tim, nothing on feet.... Dear God not Enemas!!!! .... fucking balloons....

.....................and before we wrap this up, don't forget about the picture!!

26.....................Damn Boy, I'm old enough to be yo daddy!!!!!!!! I'm just not mature enough...

of the foot enema?....

Yeah, saw that thread. Ewwww. and then I read Tim's post.... you are a sick, sick, twisted little monkey. Who doesn't love enemas? It's like, such a rush...

hey don't blame me for that! Blame the half time show and my parents....freaks!

TAz likes to fuck balloons????? What, like balloon animals, or what? Hmmmmmmmmmmm, say, that's not a bad idea! Get a little baby oil,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,that might actually work. TCE

No they are NOT!!!! It's bad enough having the nurse tell me to raise my leg but it is another to have the guy in the booth telling me what to do with my other leg!.... *cringe*

I think we should drink (at least J and I) to TAz for coming up with such a great idea...........................Fucking balloon animals, who'da thunk?

Tim, No giraffes for you tonight.... it's rhinos or nothing!

Hey now, Let me tell you something girlfriend.........................Back in 1997 I had a little white water rafting incident where I got tossed out in the worst part of the rapids and slammed my back into a boulder. I had a contusion the size of a softball sticking out of my lower back, and blood in my urine. In the days following, I was sent for one of those barrium enemas, you know, the one's where they pump you full of Plaster of Paris!?! That was no kind of rush.........................I'd rather have my bungholio tattooed than ever do that again. TCE

well, from my viewpoint... poppage of the balloon could be a problem...

I will have to taost with Dr. Pepper... Unfortunately I have nothing to mix it with unless I get ahold of some antipsycotics....hmmmm.

Theval, ....oh hell, I have no come back for that one.....dammit!

How come I can't drink to it? and I am totally claiming the giraffe..

Good question.... Tim, how come Theval doesn't get to drink?..... Theval.... The porpus is mine!

anti-psychotics... bad bad bad bad bad. No human being should ever be subjected to those.... J, I'll drink one for ya. I'm totally there for ya, man.

I want the sheep............

Okay theval, you can drink with us, but you have to take the snake!

Fine. I get the giraffe AND the snake.

Tim you can only have the sheep if you have picked up your room, cleaned the dishes, and have your velcro gloves on.... Theval, don't pop the snake....but thank you for the drink....

Okay then.....................salute TAz!!!!!!

No no no....No three-somes with the balloon animals..... are we really talking about this?.... I think I am going to get those anti-psycotics afterall....

What's the worst that can happen if the snake pops, she'll just cum up short!!!!!!!! Cum up short, get it? OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cheers!! and I promise to be ultra gentle with the snake. Can't say the same for the giraffe though....

Cops should wear velcro gloves.......................for no apparent reason, of course.

*snot*.....Taz update...... They are still in the studio.....They are still fuckwistled.....and they have more funny sugar....dear god!

If I want a threesome with balloon animals, then dammit, I'm gonna have one!! I think you're just being uptight, J.

Theval are you sure that isn't a side-winding snake....=O!

A threesome with balloon animals, hmmmmmmmmmmm, let's drink to theval!!!!!!!!!!

Tim, do you prefer your sheep shaven or wooley?

I sure hope so!

Cheers!.......

This balloon animal thread is really twisted...................get it!?!

4 more hours......*panting* ... I am never signing up for this again!

I prefer my sheep with neatly cloven feet.................Like Stevie Nicks. BAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!

I would say that it's getting batty!.....BATTY!

Oh lord not the shaw queen!

I like my sheep wooly, but my kitty's, well, I like them shaven...

yea! the xanax spam thread has returned!

can't............stop............laughing.............. But in all seriousness... no, fuck that......... I really can't stop.....

I wonder if mamakitty is sha......................Oh shit!! shhhhhhhhhh..

theval, did you pass out drunk?

WTF are you laughing about?????????

No, I'm still here. J, this is soo all your fault.

Damn Tim you went there!!!!!! Theval....you pass out and we are getting the hotdogs!

My fault!!!! What the hell!!!

No, I want a taco...............

You're the one that said that you needed someone to play with. Hotdogs, huh? Real FREAKIN naughty....

I couldn't help it....................mamakitty's got such a cute face!! I'm already wondering what her feet look like!!!!! I'm so fucked up.

You want that with sour cream or green onions?

a pink taco?

okay.....sour cream then.....

Yes, but with no bacon on the sides.............................

Or perhaps the bearded clam?

I don't know how much longer I can hold out with all this talk of food and feet......................I may have to go eat something soon. My girlfriend is passed out right next to me..........................maybe I can sneak in quietly.

*just shakes head* I got nothin...

There will be no shaking of heads around the clam!

Don't forget about the chocolate starfish for dessert!

Not unless you're giving the clam a BRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMSKII!!!!!!!!!!!

But J, that's half the fun!

Tim you think holding out for food is hard right now.......I'm in a hospital full of veggies.....Sick, sick, sick, sick, sick!!!!!!!!!!

theval, Do you dole out the starfish?

nah. not really my thing. But I heard if you get J drunk enough, he'll hook ya up.

she like their sticky fingers......

J, Actually, I think you can spread ranch over vegetables............it's supposed to be pretty good from what I understand.

Since when did I become the match maker?

Nah, I can take it or leave it, I was just asking.

it's nights like these that remind me what a sick, twisted individual I am. And it comforts me to know that there are others out there.

There isn't enough hidden valley for those kind of veggies.....

theval, It's comforting to know that there are still a few really cool chicks out there that are into depravity!! TCE

And to think that we don't only do this at night either.....

theval, You gotta get a pic up on Bakers site, mamacat's picture is fading from my screen from overuse!!!!

Tim....No more 4 syllable words.....

Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.

what, you can't laminate your screen Tim?

J, While that is true, night time is particularily special. I think it's the lack of clothing or something..............

Crop circles are just another way of chuck norris saying that sometimes corn needs to lay the fuck down.

I got the e-mail sent to Baker. The pic will be on there soon... Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.

Syllable, wasn't that that Gemini chick they wrote a book about?

theval, except one by Jet Li, or Benny Urquidez, Michael Dayton, Bill Wallace, Jean Claude Van Damm, and a cast of thousands.

Laminate, no I need to figure out how to print her picture out before she changes it, or deletes it altogether.

Why can't Ray Charles read?

theval, That wasn't Chuck Norris, it was Marty Feldman!

why can't he?

Jean-Claude Van Damme once kicked Chuck Norris' ass. He was then awakened from his dream by a roundhouse kick to the face.

Because he's dead..................

Chuck Norris invented the c-section after he round house kicked his way out of his mothers womb.

Well, I guess we know what re-runs theval is watching...........

no reruns. e-mail from work. I think we've officially beat the amount of posts of the 14 year old thread....

No, not yet. Those retards think this is like calling in their votes on American Karaoke or something. I think they've got like 220 votes on here by now................of course, it's still not enough to change the law.

No, we are only at 177.... the 14 year old thread is at 290.... sooooo close....!

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made

Maybe if we all agree to meet again on Sunday night, we can beat it, but right now, I'm gonna beat it (no pun, or maybe). I'm going to go have a wonderful dream about awakening to an inbox full of photos of beautiful womens feet!!!!!!!!!!! I'm a sick, sick, monkey. Is there a shrink in da house?

We beat the "I'm a 14 yr old getting a tattoo" one Holy shit... it's 4 in the morning already? Damn. Threesomes sure do pass the time..

theval, did you ever see the movie Billy Jack?

Yes, yes you are. Have a good night Tim! You too J! Have a good rest of your shift. I'm gonna go crash out. Talk to ya'll laters.

J buddy, I'm gonna jump on ya (well, not jump on you) too. We got you through a good portion of it, and now it's time for you to go out and spread the good word!!!!!!!!! That's right, GREAT FUCKING TIME TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SALUTE TAz, For the genius of balloon animal sex!!!!!! SALUTE THEVAL, for the genius of threesomes with balloon animals!!!!!!!!!! SALUTE WOMEN WITH GORGEOUS FEET!!!!! And, a tip of the glass to you, comrade!!!!!!!!!!! G'Night All TCE

See ya!!!!

Night Tim!

Goodnight you two! *smooches*

fuckin morons!!!! I been here all along!!!!! JEEESUSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, and.....................................what do you want? We tipped our glasses to you several times for coming up with such a brilliant idea........................................................wait a minute............hey...............that wasn't your idea, that was my idea!!!!!!!!!!

.................................TAz?

I guess there's no harm in waking this thread back up..... Did you have trouble sleeping with all of the twinklling toes in your head lastnight Tim?

You have no idea the power of my imagination...............poor mamacat's feet..........of which I have no real idea what they look like..............probably cute, though~

You did wash the cuticles from between your teeth didn't you?... Theoretically speaking of course....

Why yes, I imagine I did......................although I didn't want to.

I don't think that is the type of jam you want in your teeth....No offense Mama... I am sure that you have impecable toes.... In Tim's imagination.... *lol*

Typically, beautiful faces and beautiful feet coincide.......................If I see a girl with a cute face, without thinking my eyes are immediately drawn to her feet......................I could care less what everything else looks like. Then again, there are the gorgeous chicks who think sexy shoes can offset a disgusting pair of disfigured hammer time feet....................EEEEEEEEEEEEEYUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!! TCE

Hmmm.... I'll have to see if that is true.... My God, if that is a fact then I know a lot of women with some disgusting feet and "cute"shoes.....Yesh!

I wonder if mama had cankles when she was pregnant..............that's kinda sexy too..............but only when they're pregnant. Makes them especially vulnerable to the allure of foot attention..........................except now I hear that it can be dangerous. Probably some asshole doctor whose wife has gross feet and wanted a foot massage because her ankles were so swollen.

Perhaps you could consider openning a foot salon for pregnant women with swollen feet and ankles....Just give the grubbies to your subordinates.... My God, you would never go home.... or we would find you in the bathroom smelling you hands.

Oh dude..........................can't deal with the odor.....................there are too many willing candidates out there to waste time with that.

Wait....so waht do you do if you find a "gorgeous" pair of piggies but they have swamp foot? Hold your nose or suggest a foot soak?

If they're absolutely irresistible, I guess run the bath, bust out some apricot scrub, and get to work!!!!

The chick I mentioned in another thread who lived with me and had a child,.,.,.,.,.she had the most incredible feet ever, and they absolutely never stunk..................we went hiking for hours a day, and even then, they didn't smell. It was vexing..........

I guess I would have never thought of that one.... scrub them more than twice, then you're playing with them..........Do you realize how difficul it is jumping back and forth between this thread, as we get to the bottom (no pun) of your foot fetish and then the other one discussing chursh and state..... either we are billiant thinkers or we have no life.......Yep, brilliant thinkers.

I assume that you gave them the once and twice over a few times?

I'm no brilliant thinker.........................just impulsive primal instinct.

A predator in other words.

Yeah, you could say that..............................but only with willing participants. I need to start my own female foot thread on here...................or maybe my own website for chickies who love having their feet molested. The existing sites don't do anything for me...............I don't know those girls to any extent.

You could call your site "Street Feet" and wear a "hidden camera" in your glasses.......Or you could call it "Tim's Toe Tales".....

Hey dude, I gotta take off....................I'll probably be back later after everyone's gone to bed. Maybe you and theval will be around? Keep my thread burning bright buddy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tim

You know me!... Al you still out there or did you stop in to say hello?.....Everyone else is away in reality right now.

Don't you mean "pedator"?

In Tim's case is hard to image.....*lol*. What's going on Spark?

Not to much here, just wrapping up another busy day.I think I'll go unwind with a little tinkering.

Ain't mad at ya for that Brother....Tinker on!

this thread... is pure insanity. (and entertainment). there's my 2 cents for the day

Yea, we now have Bee on the thread!!!! wOOt!!!

for sure! but my computer isn't all fancy and fast so i doubt i can keep up with you guys. ;) you working again tonight?

I am about to get off work in 5 minutes!!!! Joy of joys!!!!!!

do you EVER have a freaking day off?? if i worked as much as you i might join the veggie ranks..

I have Mondays and Tuesdays off. You can thank the State of Missouri for that one....Gotta love it....... please don't join the veggie ranks..... you wouldn't be as pretty drooling your lunch on your lap.....=P

oops! i thought guys liked that sort of thing!!! that explains why i haven't made any friends in az yet. ;) note to self: don't let drool get past chin.

No Bee, no drooling..... snotting, now that is totally different. =P

haha ok. but i'm not giving up blowing bubbles & rasberries!!! can't make me! :P oii. i'm being ousted from the computer. (i hate sharing!) everyone have a good night -- and Sir J you should check your myspace

Of course, the second I log on, Bee (a girl) is gone.................... No offense to you guys, but having a girl or two in the mix gets things interesting.

And what, has TAz resorted to voyeurism?

I got your message Bee. =) Tried to type as fast as I could before ya got booted. I'll talk to you soon =P ...I'm going to go check on Taz....haven't heard from him since last night..... He's old and brittle you know.... Probably fractured his uterus.

Poor ol' gal...............

such a shame..

Hey theval, How are the feets?

....................still waiting for my Penguin-a-gram...........

Man, what a dead group...........................I'm going to bed.

I'm heading to bed too. I don't feel so great. Hope everyone has a great night.

Think we threaded out to hard lastnight.....bed sounds goooooood. PS. Taz is in bed all cute and cuddley like...

OOoooooooooooooooo..AAAAAAaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! 9 hours of sleep felt good!!!!! Okay, back to it..............we've got to beat out these punks by weeks end.............................................. J.....................theval...............................................................................................................mamacat? TCE

FIRE IT UP TIM!!!!!

Okay, the doctor (foot, not John) is in........................

GIVE MY CREATION....LIFE!!!!!

What's crackalackin? I'll be posting intermittantly for the next little while. The giraffe wore me the hell out, so I'm still recovering. :o) theval

What of the snake????

mama's tootsies (in my dreams) wore me out....................

Sir J-werk, the identity chameleon.......................

TCE, the conversationalist..............

what's up Tim! Have you been outside today?

I'm spending way too much time on this forum...................I'm already a fat pig, but by TAzFEST, I'm gonna be pre-Subway Jared!

we're not going to talk about the snake....... it's a sad, sad story......

I knew it, you lost the snake, didn't you? The snake sprung a leak, and you lost it..........................

did you lose the snake or did you pop him? Fess up.... Pre subway Jared?.... will you need a costume? *lol* ... just kiddin with ya tim

J-werk, Yeah, I've been outside today.........................it's still fucking hot. It's supposed to start cooling down a little tomorrow, which is great. I was gonna start tearing into my truck tomorrow. I've got a new brake system for it, and I want to drop it a few inches, so hopefully the weather will be conducive to painting and productivity this week.

In a manner of speaking... yes, I lost the snake... But it wasn't my fault. Apparently the giraffe decided he wanted a little fun in his backyard.... that poor, poor snake..... *moment of silence*

The only costume I'll need by then will be a Subway sandwich.

.... Although the snake went there, I refuse to follow up that comment.... ...That explains the giraffe's stiff neck.....AHHHHHHH! I couldn't help it!

God, I'm a fat piece of shit!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe I can just bring a microphone and go as Ralphie Mays.........

theval, You better not have lost him while he was still in all of his glory..........................that would be a scary thought..... Were you able to extract the pieces of his carcass?

Or Rip Taylor.....

I don't like a womb with a view, if you know what I mean........

probably not, but I bet if she farts it makes a funny hisssssssssss..... Oh god i am terrible!!!!

And on that note my friends...............we arrive at another of my pet peeves! Why is does the size issue always fall into the mans lap............LAP>>>OMG!!!! That's a two way street folks....................I mean, if you can drive Angelique in there,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, well,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, I guess you get my point!!!!!! TCE

Is that a blue skin tag on Uranus?

Oh my, you brought Angelique into it..... She doesn't mess around.... not with ethe 3000 lb slab in her back end!!!!

...................and then, if Angelique needs curb feelers to touch the sides, whose fault is that?

I felt it necessary to give Angelique some notoriety on this thread.............I mean, even if TAz doesn't want to participate, she might!! TCE

stupid klingons

wonder if the hydrolics....no, I'm not going there.......

There's more to that skin tag than meets the brown eye..........

Hydraulics might give her that 'ribbed' effect.....................or she might just still be knockin' around in there like a loose piston...................if the chick is already bored .60 over!!!!

A giraffe and a snake walked into a bar.....No, still not going there.....

I refused to reach my hand up a giraffes ass to save that poor snake. I had nothing to do with breaking or losing him. I have to ask, who is Angelique?

Imagine what twin cams would be like.... HOLY HELL!

Angelique is Taz's beloved hearse....I think I spelled it right...

Oh, ok

And she was the most behemoth beast I could think of to use to illustrate my point............................did I suceed?

Who would win?....Henry Rollins or Angelique?

To get back to your pet peeeee..er..peeve Tim, does size matter?....Theval?

Of course it matters J-werk,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,it matters to me!!!!!!!!!! The guy wants just the right amount of friction and surrounding pressure as much as the chick... Some people are just not compatible play mates!!!!!!!

Oh dude,,,,,Angelique would make a bitch monkey out of Henry Rollins!!!!!! Name this line...... "SOOOooo, who do you think would win in a fight, a dog or a monkey?"

Well that sucks....hmmmm, no, no, no......

People should just have sex before they think about falling in love.......ya know, to make sure everything fits.........then this issue would never become a topic for discussion. ........and then I wouldn't have anything to talk about.

I don't recall, but in my own professional opinion the monkey would win.... why, you ask? Simple.... Dogs can't throw dung....

"There's a girl in my class, and she's five, and she's has false teeth............and she can't eat meat. You know why?"

Well, unfortunately I don't have any takers lining up outside my door to try this theory out..... So i guess we will just have to moan....MOAN! *ack!*

Where's Caribou, I know he can answer this one!!!

Just come with it man!

J-werk, You and theval and I can claim this thread as our own..............we can make this our designated meeting place.......................and if anyone gets in our way, we FUCK THEIR SHIT UP!!!!!!!!! Where is theval VAL, she never sent me my Penguin-O-Gram!!

I think some women are prophet seekers...my ex prescribed to the "if you aren't compatable in bed then you can't have a compatable relationship." .... All I am saying is that at least once, 90% of the time, and sometimes 2 to 3 times "Jesus Christ" was yelled at strange times of the night and I still got left for a guy who prayed to rocks......

Boy Dude, You must not have any hoser in you at all................The Kids in the Hall!!

Well here's MY theory.......................if a couple is having sex, and the chick is screaming out "OH GOD, DON'T STOP, DON'T STOP, DON'T STOP!!!!!!!" for more than like, a minute,..............then it's a situation where either a few more inches, or a few more Kegals, would have knocked that one out of the park! TCE

Never watched it......

I'm not insecure about size, because it always gets ME off!!

Who would win in a fight Danica Patrick, or Jeff Gordon?

Never had the more than a minute "DON'T STOP..." All I got was a collapsing body on top of me and a "Mmmmm, good night."..... Sometime a cigarette if they were close.... People are going to think we are full of shit....

Everyone must be off spoon feeding involent's........................so I'm gonna go spoon feed myself. TCE

I heard Jeff Gordon is a 5th degree bitch smacker.... Hard to call that one...plus he weighs more.... but i am not one to count the little woman out.... I am sure she can throw down.

Those two are probably completely compatible................they're the same size! No one's gonna think I'm full of shit.................I'm the one who brought it up (no pun)..................I'm the one who's heard the incriminating line.................I'm the one taking comfort that my pee wee alway gets ME off......................who's gonna think I'm full of shit?

Step away from the spoon Tim..... Oh and we offically eclipsed the 14 year old thread..... wOOt!!!!

Does that mean we have to stop now?

Did I ever tell you my idea for my next tattoo? It's not actually my idea, my brother passed it along to me, but I know he'll never get one, sooooooooooooooooo, here it is. A column of smoke rising from my belly button,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,and a little devil shoveling coal into my ass!! TCE

Well for one there is always the saying, "Only the ones with small dicks talk about theirs...." Well, here we are talking about it..... Oh fuck it.... If they don't want to believe me, I have a tongue too.... And I am a very distiguished linguist.... Why stop.... I am sure that the 14 years old are planning a rebelion right now.....Viva la Resistance!

That would be sweeeeeet! Just don't fart to close to the flame......

That little race girl is cute....................how old is she? Maybe she'll fit.........

I suggest it to TAz, but I probably need it more than him.......................tattooing one's willie like an orca..............I wonder if it would make it look bigger.?. TCE

I don't know but she obviously knows how to drive a stick........yes, I went there and there is no cu....coming back now............

They say that the color white makes small spaces look bigger.....

Oh really, well then why don't white winkies look bigger?

....... Or perhaps Tim, istead of an Orca, why not the majestic Sperm Whale?

Oh, wait, you said white make SPACES look bigger. Well, then it all makes sense.............

I have to stay away from that 'other' thread,,,,,,, it's getting too serious now, and I'm starting to get embroiled. I hate politics, I don't even know why I bother talking about it. It's not going to change anything except my level of aggravation. Fuck it! From now on, if it isn't humorous, I ain't saying shit!!!!!

well, don't quote me on that............. i don't think that applies to EVERY space..... Just Myspace.....OMG!

I never noticed that much white on MySpace..................Doh!!!!

MySpace is like the internet version of "The FAGS and the FURRIES", or "TWO FAGS, TWO FURRIES".

I have no response to that dfor some reason..... I feel like I am letting everyone down........no pun......just cold showers.....

No dude, the orca has those way cool spots on the side..............that way people will know that it's a Willie..........Doh!

I think for the majority of people who use it because they believe that it boosts their social status that they should change the "friends" box to "Dicks and Tits Trophey Box."

I'll tell you a little secret about MySpace when we get to TAzFEST.............It'll change the way you think about it.

Tim, I don't think anyone will what to touch your orca if it has spots on it....man made or not....*snot*...man made......

It was a joke Tim, a joke.......DDDDDAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There's a secret about Myspace?....or is it Yourspace?.....It doesn't have anything to do with the Emo kids does it? You realize that's 5/8ths of Myspace, right........and the bad music.

Ok TAz is here to save you morons from making complete fools of yourself......DAMMITTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh now you show up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 320 threads later!!!!!

TAzzy, You're about 3 months too late for that, Buddy!!! TCE

J-werk, Two things.................One: No one ever touches it..... Two: It already has spots on it......... Three: Wear spots!!!!!

And as for MySpace, well, let's just say that things aren't always what they appear to be...............Hee hee hee~~~

You guys been into my goody stash?

Is that what you are calling you myspace these days Taz? Your goody stash?....

I don't know what cher talkin' about, mon!

So TAz, On your sabbatical as a voyeur..................you weren't the least bit amused by ANY of this thread? I'm so disappointed we let you down....... TCE

BULLSHIT! He had the bag of balloons next to him the whole time!

J, I think he's peakin' man...................he's in and out. Where's our third Mousketeer?

I don't know....She said that she would be in and out....that seems to be the on going theme tonight, eh?

Hi sweetpeas! I'm back. Got really distracted today. First the World Cup final, then dinner and laundry, and then UFC Unleashed was on.. then got distracted by one movie right after the other..... Phew... busy day.. Give me a few to get caught up.. Oh, and GREAT JOB TCE and J for breaking the 14 year old thread record. I'm so proud....

guys?........... anyone here?

Still here....sorry....everyone is fuckwistled without me and now I am just babysitting..... Love ya girl!!!

Well hello there, you sexy knight of search engines you! Why does everyone leave you out of the getting fuckwhistled?

Ok..... it appears everyone is gone.... guess I'll drag my happy ass to bed....

Theval...... bless yer soul for staying up after me. Well I found everyone and well I'll be damned if they weren't havin such a good time that I joined right the fuckwistled in!!!!!!! wooooooof!!!!! Well darlin we didn't leave ya to yer loansome.... we just went off and played devil for a while...........

You guys are killing me! This has got to be some kind of new stamina record!! You guys shooting for 500 posts? (lol)

Al don't you dare try to temp us into evil things such as that......ah fuck it, might as well...... Lord knows I ain't going to sleep anytime soon....Not with the way this screen is movin'...... Tim!!! Yo wake, tator?

Yo!!!!! I think I've been ousted..............................I can't get on the site from my computer. Maybe Gabe and TAz got together and decided that I needed a time out..................................... TCE

Al, ye of little faith, It saddens me deeply that ye think of we capable only of 500...........when certainly at least a thousand are well within our reach. My lad, it hath only been 3 days, and yet, my diciples inanely ramble with me still................ Sir TCE

hmm. i think this thread should be on top.... even though i've contributed nothing to it. :P superior to spam.... mm. spam. is it lunch time yet?

Madam, If you wish this thread remain at the top, then thou must contibute in earnest........................ Sir TCE I

oh and good morning TCE! (and whomever else is reading)

And Good Day to you M' Lady...........................

.... am getting a bit confused because the posts aren't showing up for me half the time.... tattoonow is playing tricks on my eyes i think! says the # is going up, but then i look and nothing new! tce, am i allowed to be nosy and ask where you're from?

From my mama!!!!!!!!!!!! What do you mean, originally, currently, or 'other'? TCE

Bee, I don't think anyone else is on here.........................the counter on the thread doesn't change when someone else posts until you click on it........email me if you want to chat. This is too time consuming. TCE

welp. i guess currently? i just like to know what time zone folks are in when i'm pestering them

San Jose.........same time, currently. Wintertime we'll be an hour behind you. I wish they would do away with this Daylight Savings shit and just stay on the summer time schedule. Why do kids have to go to school at 7:00 AM? TCE

To his credit, Clinton extended it 6 weeks................it's the least the Pres could do.

hmm. you're ALMOST close enough for me to show up on your doorstep.. i've to disappear for awhile now... conference call time (grrrr)

Email before you show up!!! Later......Sir TCE I Now, where's my J-jerk at?

Taz is here..you there TIM...BEE????

TAz, I'm back, you still around? TCE

I'm here! Anyone else around??

Yep I am here off and on wassup parners?....

Taz, get this jazz.... I get home and the Me ole Man says, "Jason, we got new phones for work and I need you to help me figure mine out! .... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! *lol* Tim, didst I misseth the annointing of thine admirable title of "SIR".... you regal beagal you? Why was I not notified of this elloquent occasion.... And why do I hear the Queen of Hearts voice in my head now?.... Strange, wasn't there before..... Bee, "OFF WITH THE CONFERENCE CALL!!!!.... and come play us =P

Hi TAz, Hi J! Hope you are both having a wonderful day so far! I came up with an idea for my next tattoo! A kung fu carebear. Tell me that's not going to be super badass!

Sweeeeet!!! Instead of "Carebear Stare" you can have "Carebear spinning roundhouse kick to the face" ... Theval so glad you have come.... I feel bad for leaving you lastnight.....

Okay, seriously folks.... I have to take a shower.... So Tim, hold my .... calls .... Bee, keep Tim occupied with his own....calls.... Taz, continue to sit there and look amused as you light another one up and handle your own....calls.... AND THEVAL!!!! Bring me the giraffe because it's time to wash my....*do you like how I have alotted this portion for the dramatic pause!!?!!*.... rubbersnake!

FURNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

one conference call turned into 4. YEOWCH. number one way to make me miserable -- make me get on the phone. and sit there for hours -- listening to everyone kiss everyone else's ass... makes a horrible suction noise... ::shudder:: but i'm freeeeeeeee at last. is anyone still here?

Still here! Sleeping is a formality now.... Was the call that bad? I guess the sound of unbridaled sucking in your ear would tend to make you want to hurl.... Thank God you haven't met Max the Dog yet! *lol*..... Taz.... Just talked to Ant. That poor boy is a MESS!!!! Still hasn't been to sleep! What kind sugar did you put on that thar boys frosted flakes? AL!!!!! LOVE YA BUDDY!!!!

they weren't too bad. most of the time i had the call on mute and i took mini cat naps. it was all marketing ppl and vp folks talking about my accounts and how i'm bringing in $$ for them they were a bit surprising though... they want to transfer me after my maternity leave and take me outta sales (put me in marketing). which makes no sense. plus. i refuse to move anywhere unless it's on the east coast or near the atlantic ocean. they'll have to fire me first. ;)

Judas! Just the other day they were talking about riggoing your house for sound so you could work ON your maturnity leave and know they are already talking about what to do with you AFTER your leave? Maybe YOU'RE the sugar fairy in everyones frosted flakes!..... Well shit Kid, sounds like you are doing one hell of a job! .... So when you refered to everyone kissing ass, you ment that they were kissing YOUR ass?..... You animal you ;P

Daddy Rose reporting in... just a little drive-by to let y'all know I'm still alive. Now, back to the topic at hand whatever it was....

no they weren't kissing my ass... that only happens in my dreams... er. nightmares or something. they were kissing the vp's ass. and this is why like the vp -- every time someone complimented her she called them out on it or on something they did wrong. i don't know what the deal is.. i'm quite content sitting quiet in the corner and just going on the random biz trip here or there. and Mr. Daddy Rose -- you feeling any better yet??

Hmmm.... Corporate big wigs are strange like that.... Okay, I have to sign off for a minute. My Dad, bless his heart, caught a day off today and has been wanting to play some spider solitaire. Seriously, he's givin' me the puppy dog eyes, and in my condition, how can I say no to that?.... Be back in a few.... TIM!!! GOD DAMMMMMMMMMMMMMIT get away from the giraffes ass!

Be still my royal subject!!!!!!!!!!! Lady Bee and Lady Theval, remove thou's footwear in thine presence!!!!!!!!!! Sir TCE Sureshmokealot I

And to my Dear Lady Melissa.....................thou knowst the routine...... Sir TCE I

I was hoping to ride in on the giraffe's coat tail.................ssshhhhhhhhhhh!

Lord Al, It is the wishes of his sire that respond to his request of email at your earliest convenience.... Sir TCE I

A thousands pardons M'Lord.......................'that YOU respond'. Sir TCE I

My Good Sir Tim.... I have never broken character and laughed so fucking hard as I just did reading those last few threads.....Oh, but how rude of me...."Thou art saying?"

That would be 'My Good Sir Timothy', in it's most condensed form.........Where art my fine Ladies this gloooooooorrrrrrrrrious day?

Sir Regal, Such callous depreciation of thine's station will not go unpunished............................lest thou payeth the penalty of thou's insolence, thou shall awaken abrupty, to discover thee lying in wait to offer up a faux brunch, served in a paper box. I assure you, it shall not be an occasion for great rejoicing!!! Sir (King for a Day) TCE I

............................contrary to the petitions the marketeers use to rouse the commoners!!!!!!!!!!!! Where hath the lot of you intercourser's retreated to!?!?!?! Sir TCE I

Tim! I hath receivethed thine message that contents in which contains thine "7-digits". And whereupon such hour permits it, I shall reign down up thee such heavenly "ringtones" unto thy Hamlet to ah-commence ah-thine ah-merryment-t.

I want everyone to imagine the biggest, softest, plush, pillow laydened bed that you can.... You got it? Can you see it? Looks really good right now doesn't it........... WELL GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!!! There isn't room for all! Not to mention I just washed the sheets....SERIOUSLY!!! Okay so I can try to fit one of ya....Where's B......What the?..... Who short sheeted my.... AL!!!! TIM!!!! Sons-a-Bitches!!!!!!!!! Okay, I'm up assholes....I NEED COFFEE!!!

And so it is written....................now let it be played!!

Hark Tim! I hast found thee, all be it the short sheeted heathen!

FURNT!! YARD GNOMES GOAT TITTIES Sucketh on that thou foul beasties!! DAMMITT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And alas, neither be of great expanse the length of my hoo hoo dilly!!! Praise be to the almighty for thou's gift of great girth!!!!!!!

I hast no come back for thee.....squealer!

I hath sensed a great red flood in our midst.................

........

Fire in doth Hole!!!!

Hey Tim...I hear they call ya TUNA CAN TIMMY>>>why is that?...HEE HEE

It's a little trick I learned from my lesbian friends...................you just open a can of tuna, and put it in the bathroom as potporri!!!

Potpourri...................Jesus!

Seriously...What do i follow that up with? Firehydrant? Fuck guys!.... Taz, you playing in the sugar again?

In truth, it is because I have absorbed much of the red sea, which is rich with many fishes.............. SCM1

But today, I've met my rival..........................a sea so mighty, with no sense of rhyme or reason, or humor, that I fear that I may have to call upon my big sister Maxinne for assistance. SCM1

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ If you catch my drift!!!!!! MY DRIFT, OMG!!!!!!!! I CRACK, (WHOOOAAHOOOOO, CRACK!!!!!!!) myself up!!!!!!! SCM1

And I have brough forth from the top shelve the Elven Pearls of Tam-Pax!....We shall draw upon this expansive sanguine much as a fly to an unsoiled queef!....Hark!!!.... Dost thou smell that?

Get help ya sick fucks!

Alas, for we are but a CH shy of 400.........................let us proceed onward!!!!!!

What the fuck you guys!!! Don't go all SCA on me goddamnit... The first time I see you prancing around in tights saying shit like "Where for art thou" and "Prithee fair maiden, but wouldst thou like a cold beverage" or playing the recorder, I'm gonna take a clip chord to your asses, and I don't even know what a clip chord is.. (Wow! Saiyge is gonna kill me again!! (lol) Maybe not, she's a sweet thing) but maybe instead just take black licorice laces... right across the back of the fuckin' thighs... that's what!!! C'mon, give me just one good "Alas I would die to drinketh of the sweet nectar of thine lips"... I dare ya.....

Yes, yes....................we must seek help in our endeavor, for a thousand is yet far!

Here here!!! Sally forth and slay the gash!.....WHAT!

Tis a pithy for we hath walked to the end of our frazzled gait tonight....And quite frankly I am fucking tired!.... See you all in a few!!! Much love and respect!

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH1111!!!!! Stop it! My ears bleedith!!!!!!!!!!

Bleedith, Wasn't that Archie Bunkers wife three or four days each month? TCE

wow what a nuts thread, i havent wanted to read it because it was sooooooo long, but I finally did....im impressed, foot fetishes, sex with baloon animals, and Chuck Norris....wow BTW.... Chuck Norris fact: Chuck Norris does not do push ups... he lifts the world

I told you!!!!

Who would win in a fight? Chuck Norris, or Angelique?

Where are my comrades today? J-werk, theval, is it happy hour yet? TCE

Chuck Norris would make AngelLick him......

Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.. Hi guys! Miss me? Lord Mortis, glad you decided to stop by this thread! Sorry I haven't been contributing much. My summer break from school is over, so it's back to classes and waaaay too much homework for me. Ugh... Why did I decide going to school was a good thing? What's up with the medieval speak and the tampons? Tim, J, if this is what happens when I leave you two unsupervised...... oy...

Penguin-O-Gram....................................

TAz, You hear the schmack about the action figure and Angelique? I'm sure the Texas Ranger is a badass and all........... TCE

Say, I saw Ducky posted a picture, but I haven't noticed her around the forum lately.......................where the hell is she? We need to get her on this thread, she doesn't look overly serious,,,,,,,,,,,,and besides, I like her specs! I'm sending up a flag!!!!!!!!!! TCE

Just stopping in.....and now I am going..... Tim, Happy hour in a couple.... it's dinner time!

For you who don't know Tim was referring to my badass hearse Angelique and yes Angelique would flatten mr PUSSY chuck Norris Losrd Mortis ...I forgive you!...You knew not of which you spake!

Hark!!!!!!! It is one of magnificent humor who speaketh these things!!!!!!!!! Ha!!! Sir TCE I

Thou sucketh the royal weenie oh dastardly darkling!

Be that Donnith Darketh? Tell be about the rabbit Donnie!

.........................Thee rabbit who goes by Frank................weenie............get it?

Alright fuckers.................................WORD UP!!!!

Where beith our long silent brother, studio51caboose, and faithful companion Fat Dee Dee on this eve? SCM1

Hi!!!!! *waves spastically* Methinks me hateth thine homework(eth) thatest... Oh fuck it. I can't talk like that.. Anyone know a good way to sharpen a woodless graphite pencil? My sharpener and the pencil don't get along so well. ARRRRGGGGG

An X-acto knife works............

theval, no one else is on, TAz just went to bed. I don't know where J-werk is.......................I've got some surfin' to do here, so email me. TCE

o'tay

Anybody still here?...the sleep thing just was a miserable failure!...Talk to me as Jwerk says when he is fuckwhistled!

Theval,use a piece of sand paper for that pencil.

Yeh im still here :)

Bump.....*lol*..... I can't believe I just did that..... Send help! Oh and just so everyone knows, I have been "volunteered" again to work a double of Friday again! *wimper*..... Bring you best vernacular.

Eat me!!

Ooops, wrong location..................there that's better.

What the fuck is with some people lately? There's a full on tea party going on over on another thread; Overboard with ya! TCE

Tea party? where the hell have I been?

Oh, I meant tea bag party, with red tea. Tee hee............

Let loose the wings so that we may absorb nothing!.....

This is just a general rant and rave but seriously; I am stuck behind the security desk for another 6 hours. Let me enlighten you to the monotany that is my day.... The phone rings, patient comes up the hill, I write it down. Patient goes back, I call the cottage, I write it down. (Sometimes they do this in mass groups and sneek out the door and then i have to make more phone calls.) All staff have keys to open the secure doors but they insist on hollaring, "Security, door please!" while I am in the middle of all of the above. So I am continuously answering the phone, pushing buttons, writing down names and times, pushing more buttons, opening more doors for those that are inept to locking themselves out of their own offices, answering more phone calls, dealing with busy signals while more and more patients pile up infront of the door and consistantly remind me of their name and cottage number. Then right about that time everyone in clerical decides it's time to go home which leads into more, "Security, door please!" while the patients are still hovering around my desk STILL reminding me who they are and where they live while the phone continues to ring. Now my ink pen has died, I'm being called on the radio which I can't answer because now I have to scan the patients who are coming back from their jobs. I have answered the person on the radio just in time for the phone to ring, but all of the patients are finally gone, staff is starting to thin out.... and I have just discovered that they have blocked access to Wikipedia.... I love my job.

Well, your keyboard hasn't run out of ink, so shut the fuck up!!!!!!!!!

Tim, I will smite thee with such great vengence and terror that your pain will be spelled out in the alphabet of FEAR!!! .... but I did just find a loop hole through the filter to get to myspace....hehehe! Although the shitty thing is that I can't actually log in. *FURNT!* But at least I can look at the glowing mushrooms! ....

J-werk, What's with your email? Kickin' shit back at me!!!! I was going suggest a sneaky way onto MySpace, but I can't tell you here, it's a carefully guarded secret. TCE

439 holy shit posts! Ya'll are a bunch of pit bulls!

Yep, and in only one week!!!!!! We're no 14 year old amateurs here! TCE

Yea!...I'm....at fucking work.... anyone want to party nerdbox style 'til 6 in-da-mornin' central standard style? Al, I don't know what's up with it brother. Are you sure you have the right address? [email removed] Okay, I have to make arounds around the hospital and check on the veggies.... be back in a few. Talk amongst yourselves.... here's a topic.... blush and bashful or pink and pink....

Hi J! I'll try to chat with ya through the evening. DAMN, are we really up to that many posts? Have a good night at work. Oh... SECURITY!.... I need a giraffe pulled out of my ass... thanks!

Theval!! How did the giraffe....I don't want to know....So what what you been up to? Wait, giraffe, nevermind. *lol*

Haven't been up to too much. Work and school. But I had to watch Gladiator tonight for an assignment. I love going to an art school. :o) Are you really stuck there all night?

Yep! 'Til 6am. Being the low scrotum on the pole, I tend to get told when I am goinng to work rather than being asked if I can fill in. It's all good though. Gives me so hella leverage for time off come October and Tazfest...... Art school? What are ya learnin"?

Interior Design is my major. How did you end up with the job that you have?

He started as a patient and sucked his way up! Wassup People?...TAz is here and ready to PARTY!!!!! TCE, Theval, Daddy Rose oh yeah and you to dipshit!!

A story here folks...I once had an apprentice who was sooo stoked about becoming a tattoo artist that he just flat out devoted his LIFE to drawing and he spent all his free time at the shop.Then all of a sudden he just quit!.....I'm not sure what I should do ...he is a really great guy but just acts like he isn't into it any more. I take few people under my wing anymore...too old and mean...but I really had high hopes for this dude...man he could draw his ass off!...If he had only kept up the pace he would be tattooing people RIGHT THIS MINUTE...and he is better with people than anyone in my shop ...even me...people just seem to trust him...a natural born people person....Alas I am at my wits end!!! Teell me what you think I should do...gimme SOMETHING!!!!..TAz

theval, You're right, it would help if these things had a time stamp on them. At least you'd know if you were in the ballpark with everyone else timewise. What up y'all? TAz, I called J-werk earlier, though maybe he was in there practicing on Mr. Potato Head or something. I think he was in between cat naps. TCE

Theval, I pretty much just walked into the hospital, and asked what jobs they had available. Turns out that the security thing had just came open. Also helped that I had worked in corrections 2 1/2 years. About a month later they gave me my costume and keys.

....damn it.

Posted by [email removed] from IP: 207.192.207.158 on 07/15/06 HADES A story here folks...I once had an apprentice who was sooo stoked about becoming a tattoo artist that he just flat out devoted his LIFE to drawing and he spent all his free time at the shop.Then all of a sudden he just quit!.....I'm not sure what I should do ...he is a really great guy but just acts like he isn't into it any more. I take few people under my wing anymore...too old and mean...but I really had high hopes for this dude...man he could draw his ass off!...If he had only kept up the pace he would be tattooing people RIGHT THIS MINUTE...and he is better with people than anyone in my shop ...even me...people just seem to trust him...a natural born people person....Alas I am at my wits end!!! Teell me what you think I should do...gimme SOMETHING!!!!..TAz top of page

Ok ya fuckin Zombies...are you out there?...I am perched on the horns of a dilemna here dammittttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Gimme some SAIYGE (hint hint)advice!!!...T

Fuck Dude, I'm no kinda help tonight. I don't know on this one................ya can't make him stick around if his heart just isn't in it. The work is gonna suffer, and clients deserve better than that. I used to be a drummer, in a band................but I started to experience the same thing; burnout!!!!! And once it happened, I just wasn't into it anymore, and it wasn't fair to the rest of the guys to make a half hearted attempt at it. The worst part was that playing actually irritated me, and my mood and attitude reflected it. That was almost 4 years ago, and I haven't even felt the urge to play on my own since. TCE

For some reason I don't think burnout is the cause in this case...I know burnout...I quit tattooing completely for a whole year because of burnout....this smells different....and you know who I'm talkin about too!!

By the way ,,,Tim...when ya come down...I have a brand new barely played set of Tama Rockstar Customs and you WILL play with me!...You and I and Jwerk and Al can form the Nightcrawler Boogie BAnd!!!!...YEEE HAW!!!!

TAz, you lost me man...................unless you're talkin about your boy, I completely missed something. Is it the games........................................................Smells like...............................................the ganja? Is it the ganja? TCE

burnout....nope.

I have two Rockstar kits myself, and a Granstar kit, and an Imperialstar kit that I bought new in 1979. Did I ever tell you I part time at Jimmy DeGrasso's drum store here in San Jose? San Jose Pro Drum...........................Jimmy was the last real drummer in Megadeth, and of course he's played with Suicidal Tendencies, Alice Cooper (In Wayne's World, no less), Ozzy Osbourne, Y&T, and is currently playing with David Lee Roth. TCE

I'm telling you in advance, I SUCK!!!!!!!!

That's a pretty impressive line up.....until you mentioned David Lee Roth... MY GOD!

Doesn't matter if you suck!...We'll do somethin easy to open the show!...I can whip ya into shape!!! Jason ...if its not burnout then what the fuck????

We can do AC/DC! LOL!!! Oh, and he also plays with Montrose occasionally. TCE

So TAz........................is it your kid yer talking about? Shit, I guess it must be with all the drama from yesterday.......................I thought you guys talked it out..............................or did he basically tell you that he's just not into it, or what? TCE

No AC?DC!!!!....HATE EM...We will figger it out pal!!!

Ok folks I am gonna open up this can of worms...Jwerk is the apprentice I was talking about .....I really need to know whats up!! You were really gettin it goin man then...POOF!!!!!...I think I deserve an honest answer...T

I was kidding.............................no thrash metal.......................I can't play that shit, and I don't need to be humiliated by some 14 year old who's been playing for two months!.

Oh, well, this is a revelation!!!!!!!! One that requires further exploration, I think!!!! J-werk, WTF!?! Come with it man, what is it? TCE

My modivation is fucked up.

If you can refrain from masturbating for about a week, it'll return!!! TCE

Now THATS a comprehensive answer!...Good job!! Ya wanna go into a little detail there?

Alright...Give me a few and I will type this one out the best I can....

With the exception of you and Taj and Tim-2, I don't see anyone at the shop giving a shit anymore. (I don't know about Anthony because I never see him on Mondays and Tuesdays.) And it's what you don't see when you go home for the day, Taz. Fuck, I feel like a fucking snitch.... You know how I am when someone walks through that front door. I'm off my ass doing everything I can to make them welcome, comfortable, give them advice, etc, trying to get them to drop their money at our shop.... But try to pull the W.oW tribe away for two seconds from the computer and interact with a living, breathing human and the world has ended. I can't get motivated to draw at the shop because if I post up at the front table all I hear is, "I hate this instance", and epic item that, "my level 60 rogue on my server", bonecrusher axe, battlegrounds, "god damn mages", "god damn palidins", "fucking server is down and I can't check my honor rating.", " did you hear about the new patch?", ty, np, LFG1M, noob, mana, .... FUCK!!! And if I go into the back room to get away from that shit I can't get comfortable and in the mode because I know when a client or customer walks throw the door no one else is going to say to fucking words to them other than, "If you have any questions or need anything just hollar." Half the time I get so frustrated I end up having to leave because I feel like I am going to blast the next person that says, "CRIT!" It's even harder to draw at home because I have no compete with but myself, no one to push me. The last drawing project you had us do with the rose... I looked at Nutty's, I looked at Ant's, and saw no heart. I busted my ass on a simple fucking rose to make it my own. But I didn't see that from the guys. I still think everyone is fucking caught up on the whole Jimmy thing eventhough you won't get them to admit it. But I don't see anyone (this is not including you) doing anything to IMPROVE themselves artistically in the mean time. I only hear a lot of talk about busting faces and broken thumbs.... Putting a pencil in my hand and laying a peice of paper in front of me and saying, "Go at it." was infinitely easier back in the day when I had was in tears every night because of Aimee and my parents doubting me. I shut them up pretty quick too. But at the same time that's when I would get calls from Tim saying, "Hey man, me and Nathan are going to be at the shop at midnight to knock out some drawing. Meet us out there." Not, what are you doing tonight?"..."Oh I'm fixin to run some battle grounds." I was motivated when Nutty and Ant would pick flash off the walls and tell me to draw it when I wasn't doing anything because they wanted me to do it, because they believed. Not sitting infront of the computer screen mindlessly looking at epic weapons. I was motivated the nights when Tim and I were at the shop after everyone had left and Tim would say, "Man I really want to be the best at this. I'll go all the way if you will." Now it's, "Man I can't wait to get my character to level 60." Taz, all that shit aside brother we have a great shop that because of the path you laid down before us. Nathan and Anthony DO do good work because you taught them well and I do see them grow, no doubt. I love you and everyone of the fellas out there with all of my heart. I wouldn't be on this earth right now if it wasn't for you guys being there for me. And I want to pay it back. I want to see the shop continue to flourish and I want to see everyone there be the best that they can be. But I see no heart and no drive, Brother, and it has me way down....

Okay gents and genitals........................I have to bid you all goodnight.......................I'm pussing out early, big pool party tomorrow!!!!! I'll be back tomorrow night! TCE

Night Tim!!!!

Night TAz, night J-werk, night theval, ...................goodnight Doc.

UMMMM>>>JASON?...I'm waiting!

Sir J, When a severe case of lack of motivation hits, it can be almost devastating. The weirdest things can cause it too. It is a sign of burnout. Why do you think your motivation went away? I had that problem a couple months ago. It kicked my ass until......well, actually, it's still kicking my ass. But you gotta find that spot deep down inside that made you want to do what you were doing in the first place. Something made you want it bad enough to go do it. You need to try to remember what it was, and light the proverbial fire under it's ass.

Come on Jason...Whats up?...Its been 20 minutes!

Never mind man...I guess its just not that important....damn shame though Jason...I really had high hopes for you...you could have been VERY good!!...See ya around!...TAz

Taz, look up above man!!!! The thread is doing fucked up things!!!!

Jason what I am hearing from you is not a reason but an excuse...sorry pal but thats what it is...you are blaming everyone else for this and I am just not gonna let you do this....You know that N was fired for his poor work ethics. not his tattoing mind you!...you know that A was given an ultimatum...yes this game is a BIG problem but I am done dealing with that problem...NO MORE!!!....Tim is being fired very shortly because of his work ethic...you and I have talked about this several times and you know my feelings and you also know that I will no longer tolerate this crap from ANYONE....But You...You were different....you know that I am here every night in the music studio and I will sit up with you and draw all fucking night if you want...I would HATE to see you let this slip away because of what OTHERS are doing...as I said ...if you had kept going ...by now you would have been tattooing and the hell with the rest of them... You think about this tonight and talk to me tomorrow....I am not mad at you just very disappointed...we knew how Tim was but yOU?...you are better than that...and smarter...T

J, I'm not there to see what's going on, but don't let what's happening with everyone else affect your aspirations. Don't worry about TAz becoming a tyrant to you, he's the one lighting the fire under your ass!!! He wants to see you realize your potential..................and you can take note of this other shit and internalize it as part your own work ethic, so that you'll know when it's really necessary to step away for a while. Don't let this opportunity, that so many others dream of, pass you by. TCE

No Tim thats not gonna happen ...Jason will be fine...we hit the point hes at right now but I will be there pokin and proddin away!He is gonna be a great tattoo artist one day I have absolute faith in him!!

ok u wit da feet iz crazy! just open a salon or cut off ur own feet! OMG! Taz, ur just nuts! Sir watever, i feel bad for u u seriously need more days off. Theval i have no clue but being obsessed wit feet? How the heck did dat happen! PSYCHO! I bet no one pregnant or not pregnant woman would visit u freak!

And you, Angie are a retard!

Did that make any sense to you at all?

Angie, Remove head from sphincter. Then post. And if you're going to crack on anyone, make sure you've read the posts above correctly. Ass. theval

Angie, how much money you got? I guess probably not much since you are fucking retarded, but I'll bet you on this one any day!!!! TCE

And I'll also bet that the reason the concept is SO foreign to you, is that YOUR own feet are so disgusting that no one would approach them with a 10 foot cattle prod!!! I don't need to open a salon, stupid! Believe it or not, there are plenty of willing participants..........................and I already said I was a freak! So big news there, dipshit! Thanks TAz, thanks theval, you guys rock!!!!!! TCE

morons should be shot. or, in the great words of TAz, STUPID SHOULD HURT!!! alot! I swear.... If I have to bust out the kung fu.....

Ok guys...one retard down...one to go...Princess Jer on the post "why is everyone so tight"...Check it out...he hurt my wittle feelins!!!...LOL!

TAz, I tried reading the shit, but I couldn't make heads or tales of what's going on there...................give me a good approximate place to start reading to get the gist of what's happening. TCE

Let me finish this narrative essay, and then I'll read away. :o) theval

Fuck man, that guy was writing novels on there, I couldn't read it all! Why doesn't he just go learn from some fellow hackers? Tattooing is not legal out there in the twister fields, so he's not going to be apprenticing in a shop. Oh, wait a minute, he's already raking in six figures a year..................................so what's the problem? In the end, I just tacked onto Docs reply. TCE

This person who admittedly works from their home brags about giving tattoo needles to some hack fresh out of prison so he could "finish" a tattoo he did in prison...and them slams all the pros in the biz for not giving guidance to every asshole who walks in the door without a clue...THEN proceeds to attack me personally sain shit like "in your little 2 room shitty shop"...its actually 5 rooms! and just a personal attack on me for an hour and a half...I am just soo tired of this crap...why is it always ME that the assholes target?...I just don't get it man...ah well.....ya know.....

TAz, It's you because you're usually the first to respond with the heartbreaking news.............................and that makes it all your fault!!! TCE

I dunno...its starting to give me a complex!!!

Well, I understand you wanting to help, but most of this shit has been hashed over on here at one time or another, and it's really not necessary for you to play out the same scenario again and again. If these guys are legit, they can always look through the archives for an answer........................................and if they're not legit, they're not entitled to shit!!!!

WE'VE HIT 500 POSTS!!! Who's up for another 5?

A thousand was the goal........Angie, Me, or whatever the fuck Angelique II's name is, helped us out on this, so before she blows her half a brain out, I think we should all give her a round of applause........................ TCE

Can't we just give her a nice roundhouse kick to the face instead?

YAY ANGIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lets make it a thousand!!!!

BUMP. This thread and all the insanity located within shall not die as long as I am around. Dammit.

TAz is here!

The biggest insanity of this thread is how long it takes to load...................it's like watching my pubies grow! TCE

So TAz, What are gonna bang out at TAzFEST, 'Freebird'? TCE

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, we have something much better planned, eh!?!

IIIIIFFFFFF I LLLLLEEEAAAAVVVVVVEEEE HEEEERRREEEE TOMOROOOOOOOWWWWWWW, WOULD YOU STILLLLLLL REEEEEEMMMEEMMBBER MEEEEEEEEEE.... By the way Theval, forgot to tell you, but love the new family pic on tattoo now family site you little little cutie wootie widdle doodie woodie.... (just kidding. No, not about the picture, I just mean the doodie woodie part!!!))

IIIIIFFFFFF I LLLLLEEEAAAAVVVVVVEEEE HEEEERRREEEE TOMOROOOOOOOWWWWWWW, WOULD YOU STILLLLLLL REEEEEEMMMEEMMBBER MEEEEEEEEEE.... By the way Theval, forgot to tell you, but love the new family pic on tattoo now family site you little little cutie wootie widdle doodie woodie.... (just kidding. No, not about the picture, I just mean the doodie woodie part!!!))

bump Thanks D.R.!

Made ya look didn't I Tim? muahahahahahahahahahaha!

Bump for Amber!

You know I definitely do have a life, right?

Yes, me too, I have MANY feet to attend to.................

Go on Amber, be one of us.... You'll never grow old, and you will never die....... Sorry, sorry. Lost Boys moment.

I'm about halfway through reading this.. contribute it to fast reading..

Let go Michael, your one of us! So, check it out...................Mikeee! Holy shit, it's the attack of Eddie Munster!! What'd you stuff for her, Mr. (what the fuck was his name)?

Thread conquered.. thanks guys.. it's been enlightening?

yeah..this thread is good times

Oh, shit, there you are........................what's up?

That's Mr. Johnson, Tim..... And there's my coconut crush Theval!!!!! What's up!!!!!! =P

Yes...........................What'd you stuff for her, Mr Johnson? Thankyou!!! Jason Patric Rocked in the movie Rush.........................fuckin' guy didn't do enough.

Wow!! 500+ and still going. I guess a few people were more bored than me over the weekend. Is it possible I actually have a life??? No just a fleeting memory...

I took about an hour, but I read this entire thread and laughed for about an hour too. I needed a good laugh.

Keaz, This thread was started late one night by three of us several months ago...............I think we hit close to 200 posts the first night....I don't remember, and I'm not going back and reading it!!!!! Glad a few people got a laugh!!! Thanks. TCE

Yeah...that was a long damn night. Probably one of the most fun ones that I've had online. Keaz, glad you got a good laugh out of all the insanity in this thread.

OMG!! It's alive! Uh-huh, so alive! .... I feel I'm on top again baby, it's got everything to do with you.... Sorry! 80's music....

Riiiight..

Who the hell resurrected this thread? I thought it died a long, slow, and painful death................

Getting back to the top......................J-werk, think you can set me up with one of those PLASTIC yard gnomes? I don't need Nat'ns gorl coming after me!! TCE

This thread didn't die. It can't die. It just laid dormant for a brief period, plotting it's return. Be careful of plastic. You wouldn't want any shards to break off at an inopportune time......

J-werk......................change of plan...................can you find me a latex one?

That's more like it....

Good call!

Do they make blow up gnomes?

Only in Amsterdam....

Or in Hamsterdam............................ Use your hamster style Ben,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,use your hamster style!!!!!!!!!! TCE

J-werk, Did you and the TAz Master accomplish anything tonight? What was the verdict on the Foo Foo? Looks like Jeremy and Lil' Amber were making a futile attempt at breaking our record tonight................at least they had each other!! LOL!!! Where the hell was everyone else? TCE

ah, we sure did try. But I think we were a few hundred posts behind, haha. is anyone even still awake?

ha ha...bump

It LIVES!!!

It must die.. a long, slow painful death..

NEVER!!! How dare you utter such despicable words? What did the thread ever do to you? Cause you to laugh? I hardly think that is something that should be punished by DEATH!! Now, apologize to the thread.

It gave me a massive, pounding headache.. that's what it did to me..

Hey...not the threads fault that you tried to read the whole thing in one sitting!

Thou speakests slander unto thine thread?! Blasphemer! Heretic!

Jessie, Your assignment is to read this thread. The whole thread.

pshaw! i am an internet junkie, i eat threads like this for an appetizer.

The goal is not to see how fast you can read it, but to willingly absorb all of the insanity located within.. Internet junkie or not...there is some weird shit in this thread... (which is one of the reasons I love it)

i DID it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and now it's magically time to go home from work! i heart the magic work go bye bye thread!

Embrace the power of The One Thread....