Sexual advances common? Accepted?

A couple years back my wife had a tattoo done locally by one of the most respected artists in the Portland area. The tattoo was between her breasts. The tattoo artist put the moves on my wife and some sexual relations ensued at the parlor. She was very vulnerable at the time (we fought that night and her breasts were exposed to the low-life artist for 1-2 hours) and he took advantage of the artist-customer relationship. I even met him beforehand in order to get a feel for whether or not he could be trusted... obviously he was a real sweet talker and he happened to already tattoo several of my friends, all of whom had good things to say (they were all males). In addition, this person himself is "happily" married... which was a question he asked my wife before he put the moves on her, to which she said "Yes, I am happily married." Since this incident she has felt horrible about herself. A great deal of damage has been done by this lowlife scumbag tattoo artist. My question is, is this common? Does the tattoo community consider this to be a violation of ethical standards? Does anyone know of any laws that prohibit this type of activity to happen IN a tattoo parlor during operating hours? This incident could end my marriage and I want to make sure the person responsible for this pays in as severely a way as possible. Any information on this would be very appreciated. PissedSpouse

first off allow me to give you my apologies for the hardship you and your spouse are having at this time. and please do not take any of this offensive as its not meant to be ok ive been with the same spouse for 23 years and we too have had the extramarital crap scenerio so i ask you to remember that it takes 2 to tango your wife had has and always will have the right to say no to any unwanted advances from anyone i have owned my own shop and managed 2 others and while at times the employees would make some sexual comments and such that is exactly where we all left it we made customer satisfaction number one with my workings now im not saying it was every lady that we tattood but those that we knew had that kind of sense of humor and understood that we were all in jest and nothing serious was implied while i have tattooed senseitve areas on women it has been found that at times they get aroused from the tattoo process and such with the enviroment and all its easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment and i have had some rather good offers in my time but i have kept my professianlisim and gracefully denied i make it a policy never to put a sexual encounter towards any tattoo i have ever done nor will i like i said i am married so that has a lot to do with it but i have seen some great relationships spawn from the encounter of the relationship of the artist and tattoo client.now as far as being a matter of ethics well i feel that. that is the person if i was the owner of said shop and this situation happened at the shop then said artist would be fired immedately however if was out of the shop say at there home then i would take no action except to inform the artist that i wish for this to be kept out and away from the shop and to be dealt with as discretley as possibile i personally have no room for that kind of action in my shop and wont tolerate it what so ever. as far as any legal course to be taken or any laws being violated you should check with you local ordinance and health department and your personal attorney over this matter if thats what you wish to do but remember if it was consentiual then i really dont see any ground you have to stand on but every state is different. i hope you both can forgive eachother over this and better yourselves as both friends and mates best regards (don)

1st off let me say that I am sorry to hear that this happend to you. To answer your questions, (or at least to try) You ask if this was an accepted practice. Ethically no it is not, however some tattooist, just like some inividuals of any trade, I suppose do not follow the same ethics as what some others do. I guess that every bussiness has in it people who will be unethical. As far as any laws prohibiting sexual encounters in a tattoo studio, or any other bussiness setting for that matter. That will more than likely depend on you local state laws. I do know that in the state of North Carolina it is considered illeagal to trade tattoos for sexual favors. It is considered a form of prostitution. However, it is not illeagal for two adults to have cosintual sex in a tattoo studio as long as it is not in exchange for money or services, and not in the view of the general public . My boss however, would fire me on the spot if somthing like that were to happen in his place. Having said all that, people are people no matter what carreer they choose. Sometimes people make mistakes. I will agree that your tattoo artist violated a trust and in no way am I saying that what he did was right, but I also want to remind you of the old saying. It takes two to tango. In my opinion they (the artist, and your wife) were both wrong. Again I am no expert but those are my personal opinions.

To both of you who answered this so far (and to anyone else who takes the time to answer in the future), thank you very much for your words. I do appreciate what you're saying and, quite honestly, it's about what I expected. You are both completely right in saying "It takes two to tango"... I'm fully aware of that and my wife will have consequences to pay as well (possible divorce, loss of trust, etc.). She has accepted responsibility for her part and from my point of view, this may not be a marriage killer (or it may be, I don't know yet). At this point, what I want to get behind me as soon as possible is my response to the tattoo artist. Unfortunately, he is also the owner of his establishment so the option of confronting his boss doesn't exist (that was my first thought). I will take your advice and research local laws and some other lines of attack. Something will be done to warn other women (and their significant others) in the Portland area about this man. FWIW, the artist was the one who initiated contact. And one last thing, I re-read my first posting and I don't want to leave the impression that I think tattoo artists are scumbags or whatever. If my posting came off that way it was totally unintentional and I apologize for not choosing my words more carefully... I'm a bit on the upset side these days so sometimes things come out wrong. The two responses I've gotten thus far validate that there are good and ethical artists and parlor owners out there. Thank you, PissedSpouse Portland, OR

I wish I could offer you some hopeful or inspiring advice like the previous posters, but I myself have not been in a situation exactly like this one before. However, firstly I would also like to sincerely apologize to you for your situation, something like that for a spouse to cope with can be devasting I know first hand. My only advice would be as follows. As you stated in your second post you DO plan to make go public against this specific artist and his shop, I honestly could not think of a better retaliation against the artist than doing so. I'm sure you're smart enough to realize going into his shop and knocking him the fuck out won't solve anything, probabley even throw more gas on the fire. Seeing how he is the owner of the shop, "taking it up with his boss" obviously doesn't help in this situation. The best thing you can do would be to announce your experience with this artist/shop as PUBLICLY as possible with the intention of hopefully hurting his practice. I would suggest to write letters/emails/make calls to every single published tattoo magazine/website/forum of media regarding your experience with this artist/shop. Unfortunately that's most likely the only thing you can do, evading having to serve jail time lol. As for your wife, it's hard to say because I didn't quite understand exactly what interaction took place between her and the artist, so only you can be the sole judge of that. GOODLUCK!

To [email removed] Thanks for the advice. You're completely right in saying that going into his shop and bashing his brains in would do me no good at all, as much instance gratification as it may provide. I definitely don't want to cause myself further grief in my act of retribution. Going as public as possible is what I've been leaning towards. Thanks for the ideas regarding magazines and other tattoo industry periodicals. I hadn't thought of that. The other thing I feel very morally obligated to do is tell his wife. I do not plan on trying to get with his wife as a form of revenge, as that would only further the damage to my own marriage. Best regards to you fine folks on this board.

i think your handiling this in a great way just getting it out here with us is a great start e mail me if ya just need to vent or discuss anything over this matter take care (don) as i have been through the cheating thing also as so many have

I would say no, this is only as common as it is in any other profession or trade. People are people and we can not make one blanket statement for all tattoo artists, or people for that mater. This has everything to do with this man's personality and ethics, not to do with his industry. so in short, no this is not something that is accepted as the norm. -Sam at TattooNOW

I am a shop owner my self.And i deal with that shit alot the last artists that worked for me seemed to have a more than professional relationship with just about every one of the customers that were female.They were not axcually having sex in the shop but i would notice that the people would call and stop by alot and he also was married.Alot of these artist are doing tattoos almost as a social activity.Its bull shit it happens every were in this world its all a matter of timeing.I dont feel that is exceptible behavior.Any true artist would be focused on there art.there is a time and place for everthing.sorry i hope everthing works out for you.take care...

I would of been gutted if it happened to me but every one handles it differently. My first reaction would be to go round and beat the guy senseless with a baseball bat, my second would involve setting fire to his car / bike and burning his shop down, but as I am a hot head and act on the spot, those who know me get me to wait a couple of days to think about the implications of my actions. The clever thing to do would be to destroy the shops reputation, the other thing depending on if you were going to leave your wife or not would be to wait 6 months and plan how you are going to drain all the savings and assetts and leave her with nothing, got to be clever about this. When my first wife left me 15 years ago I was not happy it involved a .............YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW!

Thank you all so much again! It's kinda funny, but this board has made me feel SO much better. You've helped a very sad man become much less sad. Each and every one of you are good peeps in my book and every one of your comments have been extremely helpful. And Don, I may email you regarding this... I appreciate that offer. And to a1cooling, all those things DID enter my thought process (bashing his head in, burning his car, house). It's such an unavoidable human reaction, but I'm so glad that I've learned that taking a few days before reacting can really save me a lot of grief. If I had reacted on my first instinct (which I would have done 5 or 10 years ago - I'm 30 years old, BTW) I would be sitting in jail right now instead of communicating with you fine people. LessPissedSpouse

ok, this is what i would do, so take it as that. First off, this may or may not make a differance to anyone but i am a former police officer. I would confront him about the incident and afterward beat the shit out of him(and i don't mean this to insult any tattooist but most all of them can't fight and are pussies, but thats coming from someone who now fights for a living in MMA) now you also have to understand what your wife has done, she has betrayed your sacred vows. Just because yall have a fight doesn't mean she can go out and act the way she did. If she didn't get dick from that guy it will be the next guy that comes along, TRUST ME. Cut your loses and give her the boot, you will thank me latter for this. There are too many other women out there to be with a slut/whore. Anyway you don't want some tattooed girl for a wife. Although i have tattoos my wife will never have one, i think they are trashy on women and beleive me most women i know with tattoos like to fuck, bottomline. Like i said before this is just my thoughts and they are based on my opionions only, although i'm sure if the masses took a vote they would sway my way in MOST not all of my thoughts. my .02cents

Wow... glad to see the post above promotes violence AND misogyny!

sassmouth, no need to worry. My response will be measured with regards to the artist and my wife - I don't hate women or my wife because of this. Although it would give me some deal of pleasure to crush this artist's skull I'm not going to do that. And although my first thought was to leave my wife I don't plan on doing that now either. She is a good person who made a very, very stupid mistake. She was naive with this individual and he preyed on her at an opportune moment. The worst part is that I have to look at the tattoo (I haven't looked at it since I found out) but she is considering having it covered with something different. My goal right now is to make this artist pay for what he did and to warn other women about him. His reputation will be destroyed and his wife will be very unhappy with him(unless she's aware of and accepting of this activity).

in regards of having the tattoo covered great idea get rid of this bad experince any way possibile although the memorie will remain there is nothing you can do about that except deal with it as it comes if i was closer or we were in the same state i would offer to cover said tattoo for free just to get rid of the memory for the sake of a marriage but it would be done with both of you there it would be a very good experience for you both to share in the coverup process also might want to think about a female artist to cover said tattoo just to keep emotions and flash backs hindered ive been known to give tattoos for free or very low fee due to similiar situations and the client just dosent have the money to rid the memory just did one a few months back where the x was on her ankle and her x was found to be a child molester and was incest with there kids thank god he was already in jail over this so for me to cover that tattoo was a very emotional and gratifiying process for her and her kids and there is no amount of money that can give you the satisfaction of looking into there eyes and seeing a glimer of happiness and letting them know there are people that really care.sometimes money just isnt the issue for a tattoo (that e mail box be open for ya) (don)

I think the addressing of this has been covered, i just thought i'd add something. I think it's great that you want it get it out there that this guy did this and may have done it before and may do it again. However, i wouldn't let it run your life. As far as your wife goes...every has made mistakes. This is one of the worse you can make, especially if you love someone, but, that's what you have to remember. You and your wife love eachother. And, yes, she broke her vows, she made a HUGE mistake, but, love knows forgiveness. All you can do is learn together and grow together so that it won't happen again. Best of luck. And, remember, love is above everything. As to the idiot x-cop, you sound like a someone who just likes to steriotype and not give anyone any chance...one mistake doesn't make u a whore, and neither does a tattoo. Tattoos are for several reasons, so you shouldn't just say any tattooed woman is a piece of trash. If you are going to think that way, i'm glad ur not a cop anymore. -Ducky

AMEN............... DUCKY

I AM A TATTOO ARTIST AND I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU THAT IM SORRY FOR WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU.-AND I HOPE YOU FIND THE ANSWER IN YOUR HEART ONE DAY.- I WISH THIS KIND OF THINGS NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN BUT THERE SOME KIND OF RELATION BETWEN ARTIST-COSTUMER AND SOMETIMES SOME "ARTIST" TAKE ADVANTAGE.- GOOD LUCK I DONT KNOW WHAT ELSE TO TELL YOU MAN.-!!! JUST HOPE U FIND PEACE IN THIS VERY DIFICULT SITUATION AND LOVE IS ALSO TO FORGIVE.- BYE!!!

ok, ok...Just get back with her, as a matter of fact why don't you appoligize to her, by the way it was your fault that you made her mad enough to suck off a tattoo artist..YOU SEE.. Sounds stupid don't it.. Once a cheater, ALWAYS are cheater..and even if she never cheated again(doubtful) You will never truly trust her in your heart. Now you can lie to yourself, but this is the TRUTH. I know it hurts, i've been down that road before. Too many other women out there that will never cheat and will give you happiness, without that dreaded DOUBT in the back of your mind that you have right now with her. Start over, but before starting over there is something that you desperately need and that is closure. You need to end this dreadful chapter in your life. First end the relationship with your cheating wife (i know its hard, but its a must), and second you gotta man up and confront this tattoo artist and punch his teeth out. heres some very helpful advise on that, if you think you can't kick his ass (then you've already lost most of the battle) you need to either surprise his from behind or steal him from the side (either with a fist or brass knuckles, tire iron) no head shots if its a weapon, but you definately want to hurt his hands permanetly if you can. Walk away and wash your hands of him after that. Yea, i know some of you don't like what i have to say, but most of it is fact and i know other portions is just what i would do (like the beat down). There have been study after study, and the results are that if the victom takes the cheater back he/she will never truly forgive them in there heart and that refers to it will always be in the back of you mind, and you will never truly trust them again.(with good reason) and secondly the studies show that there is a very high likelyhood of the same behavior to happen again. Bro, i'm just trying to help you out and prepare you for the future. By the way it is in human nature to make a mistake, and your mistake will be getting back with her and just sweeping it under the rug and adding to the statics of people who will never truly be happy. Good Luck

ok, ok...Just get back with her, as a matter of fact why don't you appoligize to her, by the way it was your fault that you made her mad enough to suck off a tattoo artist..YOU SEE.. Sounds stupid don't it.. Once a cheater, ALWAYS are cheater..and even if she never cheated again(doubtful) You will never truly trust her in your heart. Now you can lie to yourself, but this is the TRUTH. I know it hurts, i've been down that road before. Too many other women out there that will never cheat and will give you happiness, without that dreaded DOUBT in the back of your mind that you have right now with her. Start over, but before starting over there is something that you desperately need and that is closure. You need to end this dreadful chapter in your life. First end the relationship with your cheating wife (i know its hard, but its a must), and second you gotta man up and confront this tattoo artist and punch his teeth out. heres some very helpful advise on that, if you think you can't kick his ass (then you've already lost most of the battle) you need to either surprise his from behind or steal him from the side (either with a fist or brass knuckles, tire iron) no head shots if its a weapon, but you definately want to hurt his hands permanetly if you can. Walk away and wash your hands of him after that. Yea, i know some of you don't like what i have to say, but most of it is fact and i know other portions is just what i would do (like the beat down). There have been study after study, and the results are that if the victom takes the cheater back he/she will never truly forgive them in there heart and that refers to it will always be in the back of you mind, and you will never truly trust them again.(with good reason) and secondly the studies show that there is a very high likelyhood of the same behavior to happen again. Bro, i'm just trying to help you out and prepare you for the future. By the way it is in human nature to make a mistake, and your mistake will be getting back with her and just sweeping it under the rug and adding to the statics of people who will never truly be happy. Good Luck

ok, ok...Just get back with her, as a matter of fact why don't you appoligize to her, by the way it was your fault that you made her mad enough to suck off a tattoo artist..YOU SEE.. Sounds stupid don't it.. Once a cheater, ALWAYS are cheater..and even if she never cheated again(doubtful) You will never truly trust her in your heart. Now you can lie to yourself, but this is the TRUTH. I know it hurts, i've been down that road before. Too many other women out there that will never cheat and will give you happiness, without that dreaded DOUBT in the back of your mind that you have right now with her. Start over, but before starting over there is something that you desperately need and that is closure. You need to end this dreadful chapter in your life. First end the relationship with your cheating wife (i know its hard, but its a must), and second you gotta man up and confront this tattoo artist and punch his teeth out. heres some very helpful advise on that, if you think you can't kick his ass (then you've already lost most of the battle) you need to either surprise his from behind or steal him from the side (either with a fist or brass knuckles, tire iron) no head shots if its a weapon, but you definately want to hurt his hands permanetly if you can. Walk away and wash your hands of him after that. Yea, i know some of you don't like what i have to say, but most of it is fact and i know other portions is just what i would do (like the beat down). There have been study after study, and the results are that if the victom takes the cheater back he/she will never truly forgive them in there heart and that refers to it will always be in the back of you mind, and you will never truly trust them again.(with good reason) and secondly the studies show that there is a very high likelyhood of the same behavior to happen again. Bro, i'm just trying to help you out and prepare you for the future. By the way it is in human nature to make a mistake, and your mistake will be getting back with her and just sweeping it under the rug and adding to the statics of people who will never truly be happy. Good Luck

It is not an acceptable habit in the tattoo profession, nor is it common except for the lowliest of scratcher clowns. So don't look at it as a tattoo incident. He is just a guy, and it could have been any guy. As for the infidelity, why get pissed at him? If your wife doesn't care any more than that about your marriage, why should he? Who says he was the one who instigated it? You have a cheating wife. Can you trust her version of the story? Cut your losses, and toss her out to the curb, and thank him for showing you what a sweetheart you are married to.

AMAZING! jjbiggs is a marriage counselor in addition to a former police officer, mixed martial artists, thug AND misogynist. Anyone who has ever taken a single High School English class knows to cite actual studies when making statements. With that said, I am sure seeing a therapist/marriage counselor is about 75 millions times better than listening to an internet 'Chuck Norris Expels His Own Brand of Street Justice'- posting. Good luck.

it's sad to hear about it happening, but it is a reality, it's unprofessional it's unethical, and it's just a crappy thing to do..... but, shit happens, if you're willing to work at it you can get over it, but if it's unworkable, well....you might as well let her go, most artists will be more than willing to tell you that it won't happen in their shop, but everyone is an indiviual, and shitbags are in every profession the best thing to do would be just to no longer patronize the shop, tell your friends not to patronize that shop, tell them to tell their friends......word of mouth can kill a shop as quick as anything else, but before you do anything consider the other artists( if any) that also use the shop as thier place of business because killing his business also means killing their business, just a thought from the trenches, lol , oh and to mr biggs, the rambozo cop, you need to lose the testosterone driven white trash fundamentalist attitude, you are not a biker in the 50's you are not a "cop" anymore, you are nothing but a citizen and that type of action will get you in jail or the morgue....remember, tattooists may be "wimps" ( I'm a champion fencer, studied kendo, kickboxing and aikido) but alot of us "wimps" have less than wimpy friends....remeber that

I'm still a cop, carry my badge and gun..just not full time anymore, mr. tough guy, Steve Segal wanna--be.

lol...OH mr biggs.....pardon me OFFICER biggs......can the attitude...I'm not trying to be a tough guy....I was simply proving a point, contradicting your statement that all tattooists are wimps....not all of us are the drug addled stereotype that I think you have in your head. Although usually the tough Lee Marvin rejects are the first people that end up crying or passing out in my chair....Steven Segal wannabe???? come on come up with something better than that???? you talk like you should be in a Peckinpah film or something, you jerk off to pictures of Charles Bronson and think you're John Wayne???, good God?!?!?! I can't believe people like you didn't go away when Regan left office

To mr jj biggs....hey tough guy...tattoo artists are pussies huh/...WELL i SAY YOU ARE FAGGOT I will personally meet you anywhere anytime and demonstrate to your dumb ass that we tattoo artists are generally not pussies.I too am an ex cop and I assure you that our brothers in law enforcement would be ashamed of not only your macho bullshit attitude but also would be totally ashamed of your promotion of an illegal activity...that is ASSAULT. Dude you are a world class punk...come see me and we can " dicuss " this any way you want.....Bitch boy!!!...Taz